how to watch television – tips #2, #3, and #4: put your tv in its place

“If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.”
~Lily Tomlin

In keeping with the series of posts about the evils of television I started a couple of weeks back… wait. No. Let’s clarify a couple of things before we get too far along with these.

I don’t actually consider TV to be evil at all. After reading my first post on the topic, a friend of mine expressed some concern that I had morphed into one of these staunch anti-TV nazis and that I was gearing up for multi-week rant about television’s role in unraveling the fabric of modern society.

Rest assured, Dear Reader, that I enjoy vegging out in front of the tube as much as the average American. I also realize that I often get stuck for hours longer than I originally anticipated and may end up missing out on more beneficial forms of entertainment if I’m not careful. It’s a topic that has come up more than once within my circle of associates, so I thought I’d share my own thoughts on the matter for anyone else who might be interested. Sheesh. Get off my back, already.

Now, where were we? Oh yes.

Let’s delve into my next 3 tips for how to watch television more responsibly. I decided to group these all together because they have a common theme – where you keep your TV has a big influence on how much you watch it. Oh, and in case you’re just joining our regularly scheduled blog posts, you might also want to check out the first in this series of tips.

How to Watch Television – Tip #2

Take the TV out of your front room. In many homes, one of the first things you see when you walk in the front door is a TV. Just over the threshold lies this big hulking object, sitting front and center, just begging to be touched or turned on. See,that even sounds inappropriate, doesn’t it? Consider assigning your TV to a room that isn’t the main room of the house.

How to Watch Television – Tip #3

Don’t have a TV in every room of the house. There should be some place (other than the bathroom) that you can sit in the house where there is no TV to potentially distract you. If you’ve got a TV in every room, consider gifting at least one to a friend, donating it to a charity, or selling it on Craigslist.

How to Watch Television – Tip #4

Don’t make the TV the central focus of the room. Most people plan the design of the room around the TV – all of the furniture is arranged around the television as a central focus point. As soon as you sit down, you feel as if you’re automatically expected to watch the television, so you do. Try placing the TV off-center or storing it in an armoire, entertainment center or behind a curtain so you can close off the TV when it’s not in use. Yes, that means you may have to slightly shift the furniture or walk across the room to unveil the TV before tuning in. But you’ll transform turning on the TV into a mini-production, instead of an easy default activity. In turn you might feel less compelled to watch the tube just because it’s there.

cheers,
k

how to lose like a winner

A couple of weekends ago, I got invited to watch a friend’s daughter compete in the National American Miss pageant. I’ve known this young lady since she was a toddler, and over the years I’ve watched her blossom into an awesome little woman. She’s bright, energetic, savvy, and beautiful to boot. You know, one of those kids that makes you feel confident about what the next generation will be able to do with their infinite potential. So I was thrilled to join her parents in the audience to hoot and holler like a madwoman whenever she appeared on the stage.

That night, we watched all the contestants do their opening numbers and have their individual moments in the spotlight. We also watched watch as girl after girl got picked for various and sundry titles – Miss Congeniality, Most Likely to be a Top Model, Most Likely to End Up as a Trophy Wife and Get One Helluva Divorce Settlement when the Dog of a Husband Gets Caught Cheating (or something like that). Even with all her charm, poise, and intelligence, our girl didn’t get a single trophy or accolade, and she didn’t even get to move on to the next round of competition. Needless to say, we were crushed. She, of course, was even more crushed. After she’d changed back into her street clothes, she joined us to head to the car. She held up pretty well for a few moments, then the tears came. “It isn’t fair,” she cried. “They weren’t as good as me!” she protested. And we agreed, clucking over her and consoling her like dutiful supporters. There wasn’t any use in trying to rationalize the outcome of the pageant to her. Even if there had been a rational explanation, it likely wouldn’t have made a dent on her emotional state. So, I thought that the words her mother offered her were the best that could be said at that moment. She simply told her daughter, “Baby, it wasn’t your time.”

No doubt, losing sucks. Hard. Especially when it’s something you’ve worked hard to get, or something you feel like you’re naturally more qualified to have. So when you don’t land that job, or you get passed over by that girl or guy you had your heart set on, or someone else snags that grand opportunity that you know was meant for you, it makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, “It’s not fair! They weren’t as good as me!” It’s irritating as hell to see the lesser-qualified get your moment in the spotlight, with the crowd cheering and the fair maiden planting a wreath of laurel leaves on their unworthy head. When it happens more than once, you may stop screaming outwardly and start whispering inwardly to yourself: “Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe no one will ever want me.” Even the most confident and self-assured person has their moments of uncertainty when met with a consistent stream of losses.

I thought back to one of the girls in the pageant who had advanced to the next round that evening. It was her fifth year in the competition, and she’d never made it beyond the first round before. Yet she kept showing up every year. Kept donning the glitzy gown, kept flashing the perfect camera-ready smile, and kept being sent home with nothing to show for her efforts. I wondered what she must have felt like after two years of not winning. After year three? I wondered how she even mustered up the energy and optimism it took to come back for one more chance at winning, though she was a repeat loser. By the colloquial definition, this girl was insane. She kept doing the same thing and expecting a different result. But eventually, after five long years, she did get a different result.

So how exactly do you distinguish the insane person from the winner-to-be?

“Sometimes losing is a wake-up call in disguise, a universal conspiracy that’s letting you know that you’re chasing the wrong dream…”

Winners recognize that there may not be any logic to the fact that they lost, but they take the loss as an opportunity for assessment.  A time to prepare themselves for the win that will inevitably come. After a loss, winners ask themselves the following questions:

Am I losing because I’m playing the wrong game?

If you’re going after something that doesn’t align with your purpose or your true values, why would you want to win? Sometimes losing is a wake-up call in disguise, a universal conspiracy that’s letting you know that you’re chasing the wrong dream, and you need to set your eyes on a different, more fitting prize. If you feel certain that what you’re after does align with your purpose, it’s much easier to deal with temporary losses on the way to your goal.

Am I losing because I’m not yet prepared to win?

If you were to get that job, land that cutie pie, or be granted that opportunity, are you currently prepared to make the most of it? Do you have the skills to maintain the thing you’ve won after you’ve won it? You’ve heard the stories of lottery winners who are penniless only a few years after their big win, because they had no money management skills. It’s almost impossible to believe, but it happens all the time – and not just with the lottery. Winners take time after a loss to continue to hone their skills. They visualize what they’ll need to do after the win to make sure they’re ready to perform when it happens. Winners know that a gift given to the ill-prepared can easily become a curse.

Am I losing because it just isn’t my time?

So you know for sure that you’re after the right thing. And you know that you’re well-prepared to maintain that thing after you’ve won it. So what gives? Why do you keep losing? Well baby, maybe it just isn’t your time. While you’re fuming about how unfair it all is, maybe there’s someone else out there who had just as much right to the ‘big win’ as you did. They may have waited longer or worked harder, or maybe it was simply ‘their time’. Maybe you’re like that year-five winner, and you’ll have to lose many times before you win. Just remember to re-assess, re-equip, and reapply yourself… even if everyone else thinks you’re insane.

As it turns out, our girl made it through the pageant ordeal without too much emotional or ego damage. After a post-pageant dinner out, she was mostly back to normal. The following week, she got an unexpected phone call. It came from a talent scout who’d seen her at the pageant and wanted to know if she was available for other opportunities.

So let that be a lesson to all you losers out there. The next time you lose, go ahead and have a good cry, check to make sure the makeup is still ok, then treat yourself to something tasty.

And know this… your day is coming. Maybe even sooner than you think.

cheers,

k

photo: total loser by bamzin

photo: …and the winner is by notsogoodphotography

what’s next – tips for overcoming stagnation

Making your own money – and by that I mean, not from a typical 9 to 5, but from something you created and you own – is like a drug. Once you’ve had even the littlest taste of it, you’ll always want it again. Be careful what you wish for when you wish to be your own boss. You might get hooked for life.

I say be careful because it’s not an easy path. It’s a #@$&! scary ride. But… it’s a ride that changes you for the better. You learn to become bigger than yourself, if that makes any sense. You learn to use your strengths and your weaknesses to your advantage. As master of your own work domain, you have to know yourself well and still continually try to outsmart yourself, to outdo your last move. That’s innovation. That’s growth. That’s ultimately sustainability. Because if you’re always thinking about where you’ll get your next entrepreneurial fix; if you’re constantly asking yourself, ‘what next?’ you’ll have an answer when someone else comes asking the same thing of you.

In business, that ‘someone else’ is your customers, your employees, your partners, your teachers and mentors. When those people come asking, ‘what next?’ you’d better have an answer. If you don’t, you’ll be cheating yourself and them. Or worse…. you’ll become stagnant, and ultimately irrelevant.

“What next?” is a question that I’ve been continually pondering for the last few months. I’ve been an independent freelancer for almost a year now, and have had plenty of ups and downs, direction changes and lots of opportunities to test different approaches in marketing, selling and delivering my services. I finally feel like I’ve reached a level of comfort with the ambiguity and the sometimes unpredictable nature of self-employment, and I’m preparing to kick off some new projects and partnerships that will continue to propel me down paths I want to travel. I recently shared one of those projects with you, and I’m looking forward to sharing the others as they progress.

In the meantime, I’d like to pass along some highlights from a blog post entitled ‘How to Overcome Stagnation’ by Dean L. Forbes. Work – whether done for yourself or for someone else – is one of those areas that it’s extremely easy to become stagnant in, and Dean has provided some excellent insights for recognizing the symptoms of stagnation and developing strategies to deal with it.

Symptoms of Stagnation:

• Lack of focus – feeling scattered and unsure of the goals you’ve set
• Indecisiveness – unable to make a decision because every option is too risky and/or impossible
• Doubt – feelings of self-doubt, lack of confidence in your skills and abilities
• Hopelessness – inability to see the silver lining, the upside, the light at the end of the tunnel
• Cynicism –feeling like the cards are stacked against you, that everyone (especially the ones who ‘don’t deserve it’) is getting ahead except you
• Depression – lack of energy or will to do anything positive, productive, or progressive

Like any emotional or mental state, stagnation is temporary. The amount of time spent in a state of stagnation depends on your willingness to take the right actions to move beyond that state. Forbes recommends the following right actions to overcome stagnation.

5 Ways to Overcome Stagnation:

1. Re-evaluate your core values – Make sure that the principles you wish to live by – your own personal definition of ‘the good life’ – are intact. Make a list of the things in life that really matter to you and be sure that your daily activities and decisions reflect that.
2. Redefine your mission – What is your purpose? What are you here for? What do you feel that you were uniquely created to do? You may already have an idea in your head. Take some time to reflect on and re-envision this mission.
3. Change your mission – Does the mission you previously envisioned for yourself no longer make sense? Maybe it’s time to find a new mission.
4. Change your circle – If you’re on a journey to somewhere, your travelling companions can make or break the trip for you. It can be difficult to change or sever associations, but if you find out that people in your circle aren’t interested in going where you’re headed, you’ll all be much better off going your separate ways.
5. Take a different route – There’s more than one way to reach a given goal. Maybe the path you’re on isn’t the one that’s going to work for you. There’s no shame in changing directions or scrapping what you thought was a well-planned route. What matters is that you keep moving towards your ultimate destination.

If you’re looking for more help dealing with stagnation, here are a few of my favorite stagnation-killing books:

photo by: Crystl

cheers,
k

Left Unsaid: film series explores the blurred reality between our online and offline selves

With everyone being so engaged in social media these days, it’s often hard to separate the online persona from the offline human. There is a line that is blurred – sometimes intentionally, sometimes not – when we start posting snippets of our personal lives all over the interwebs for the whole world to see. Through 140-character brain farts, status updates, microblogs, and snapshot images we develop composite pictures that may or may not reflect the totality of the individuals who publish them. Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and other social media applications have allowed us to expose more of ourselves to each other, but the core of who we are – what moves us, makes us happy, angry, sad, likeable or detestable – can still only be truly grasped by direct interaction. For this very reason, some people have chosen to opt out of the online world altogether, refusing to allow the line to be blurred because they realize that it’s important to maintain the humanness of connections.

Filmmaker Nelson George (who also produced Chris Rock’s ‘Good Hair’) has created a collection of very brief video vignettes that explores many of the social concerns of merging online conversations with offline reality. George’s series, Left Unsaid, chronicles several intimate interactions among a group of eclectic female creatives who’ve been invited to a meet-and-greet in a Brooklyn brownstone one sunny Sunday afternoon.  

The series is divided into 19 chapters, each of which focuses on one or more pseudo-fictional characters. I call them pseudo-fictional because it seems as if the characters themselves have been modeled after the women who are playing them. One particularly poignant interaction occurs between Belinda – a dancer and single mother, and Bethlehem – a freelance writer who pays the bills by writing for a tween-oriented celebrity gossip blog. In the chapter, titled “Phat Booty”, Belinda finds out that her pre-teen daughter is actively engaged on the site that Bethlehem writes for. Have a look at the video for yourself.  Check out the entire Left Unsaid series by visiting: http://www.leftunsaidseries.com. I’d recommend starting from the first chapter – I didn’t at first and almost wrote the series off because I didn’t have the proper context.

Also – keep your eyes peeled for Chyna Layne – the girl who played the Jamaican smack-talking sista Rhonda in Precious.

(as seen on Black Web 2.0)

cheers,

k

the machine is us/ing us

I still have a hard time explaining the concept of Web 2.0 to folks. Which is why I really dig this video by Dr. Michael Wesch of Kansas State University’s Digital Ethnography project.

Take a look:

cheers,

k

what a difference a day makes

It was only a few days ago, but already I can barely remember the cold January morning air. I remember being cold, of course – freezing cold. But that feeling pales in comparison to the memory of the warm glow of anticipation that served as my alarm clock on Obama’s inauguration day, and continued to grow as we made our way onto the streets of Washington, D.C.

The weather forecast predicted that the thermometer would only make it up to about 30 degrees, but the wind chill would make it feel more like 20. Certainly not the kind of weather this Georgia girl is used to hangin’ out in for long periods of time. But I was well prepared. My inauguration day outfit consisted of: long johns (top and bottom), another undershirt for extra insulation, and 2 pairs of socks topped off with a turtleneck sweater and sturdy jeans, and appropriately accessorized with 2 scarves, a pair of gloves and a hat big enough to cover my forehead and ears. It’s a wonder I didn’t pass out from heat exhaustion before I made it outdoors.

At 7:30am, we joined the steadily growing stream of people making their way toward the National Mall. Gloved hands clutched cups of steaming hot coffee or miniature US flags, and faces shone with bright smiles and expectant eyes. The early morning sunlight glinted off of buttons that bore numerous artistic interpretations of the face and name we had all come here for – Obama. Hundreds more renderings of the icon on all manner of keepsake items were on display from vendors already hawking their wares, and other still setting up their booths.

“Getcha Obama t-shirts heeeere! Inauguration t-shirts, folks! One for ten, two for fifteeeeeeen!”
“Lifetime calendars! Lifetime Obama calendars!”
“Inauguration bumper stickers!! I was there, where were you?!!”

One t-shirt design in particular caught my eye as we neared the intersection of 17th and K Streets. On it, MLK lay sleeping, his head resting peacefully on an open Bible. In the dream scene depicted above his head, was a tall, proudly smiling Barack Obama.

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WMDs – yes virginia, they do exist

I had lunch with a friend a while back, and at the end of our meal we both lamented returning to our respective okiyas.

Me to friend: “You know, I really wish I was at the point where I wasn’t doing any work, but just telling others what to do. I mean, what’s the point of having a Manager title if you still have to do all the work yourself?”

Friend to me: “Yeah, plus at my gig when you’re a manager, you get a Blackberry. You can tell who all the managers are, because they have their Blackberries.”

Scrrreeeech. Pump the brakes.

Nah. Uh-uh. Though I sometimes covet all the perqs that come along with being in ‘upper management’, that Blackberry thing is where I draw the line. If I never get assigned a Blackberry for my entire career, it’d be too soon. By some miracle, I’ve avoided having to carry one of those detestable devices so far, and I’d be willing to sacrifice as many farm animals as needed to the gods of all things electronic to keep the trend going until the day after forever.

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my thanksgiving staycation – finale, roll credits

Videodrome – Where Have You Been All My Life?
I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’ve lived in this city for the better part of 13 years, and my first visit to Videodrome was just last week. I’ve driven by the place hundreds of times and always wondered what might lie on the other side of the door. But that big, blue bald-headed figure with the VHS-tape eyes that’s painted on the building always creeped me out a bit. Kinda reminded me of those pale bald guys from the movie Dark City who walked around issuing the ominous command ‘sleeeeep‘. Of course the fact that I know and like the movie Dark City should’ve been motivation enough for me to go in… but hey, what can I say? Real-life creepy is more daunting than the celluloid kind.

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