how to lose like a winner

A couple of weekends ago, I got invited to watch a friend’s daughter compete in the National American Miss pageant. I’ve known this young lady since she was a toddler, and over the years I’ve watched her blossom into an awesome little woman. She’s bright, energetic, savvy, and beautiful to boot. You know, one of those kids that makes you feel confident about what the next generation will be able to do with their infinite potential. So I was thrilled to join her parents in the audience to hoot and holler like a madwoman whenever she appeared on the stage.

That night, we watched all the contestants do their opening numbers and have their individual moments in the spotlight. We also watched watch as girl after girl got picked for various and sundry titles – Miss Congeniality, Most Likely to be a Top Model, Most Likely to End Up as a Trophy Wife and Get One Helluva Divorce Settlement when the Dog of a Husband Gets Caught Cheating (or something like that). Even with all her charm, poise, and intelligence, our girl didn’t get a single trophy or accolade, and she didn’t even get to move on to the next round of competition. Needless to say, we were crushed. She, of course, was even more crushed. After she’d changed back into her street clothes, she joined us to head to the car. She held up pretty well for a few moments, then the tears came. “It isn’t fair,” she cried. “They weren’t as good as me!” she protested. And we agreed, clucking over her and consoling her like dutiful supporters. There wasn’t any use in trying to rationalize the outcome of the pageant to her. Even if there had been a rational explanation, it likely wouldn’t have made a dent on her emotional state. So, I thought that the words her mother offered her were the best that could be said at that moment. She simply told her daughter, “Baby, it wasn’t your time.”

No doubt, losing sucks. Hard. Especially when it’s something you’ve worked hard to get, or something you feel like you’re naturally more qualified to have. So when you don’t land that job, or you get passed over by that girl or guy you had your heart set on, or someone else snags that grand opportunity that you know was meant for you, it makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, “It’s not fair! They weren’t as good as me!” It’s irritating as hell to see the lesser-qualified get your moment in the spotlight, with the crowd cheering and the fair maiden planting a wreath of laurel leaves on their unworthy head. When it happens more than once, you may stop screaming outwardly and start whispering inwardly to yourself: “Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe no one will ever want me.” Even the most confident and self-assured person has their moments of uncertainty when met with a consistent stream of losses.

I thought back to one of the girls in the pageant who had advanced to the next round that evening. It was her fifth year in the competition, and she’d never made it beyond the first round before. Yet she kept showing up every year. Kept donning the glitzy gown, kept flashing the perfect camera-ready smile, and kept being sent home with nothing to show for her efforts. I wondered what she must have felt like after two years of not winning. After year three? I wondered how she even mustered up the energy and optimism it took to come back for one more chance at winning, though she was a repeat loser. By the colloquial definition, this girl was insane. She kept doing the same thing and expecting a different result. But eventually, after five long years, she did get a different result.

So how exactly do you distinguish the insane person from the winner-to-be?

“Sometimes losing is a wake-up call in disguise, a universal conspiracy that’s letting you know that you’re chasing the wrong dream…”

Winners recognize that there may not be any logic to the fact that they lost, but they take the loss as an opportunity for assessment.  A time to prepare themselves for the win that will inevitably come. After a loss, winners ask themselves the following questions:

Am I losing because I’m playing the wrong game?

If you’re going after something that doesn’t align with your purpose or your true values, why would you want to win? Sometimes losing is a wake-up call in disguise, a universal conspiracy that’s letting you know that you’re chasing the wrong dream, and you need to set your eyes on a different, more fitting prize. If you feel certain that what you’re after does align with your purpose, it’s much easier to deal with temporary losses on the way to your goal.

Am I losing because I’m not yet prepared to win?

If you were to get that job, land that cutie pie, or be granted that opportunity, are you currently prepared to make the most of it? Do you have the skills to maintain the thing you’ve won after you’ve won it? You’ve heard the stories of lottery winners who are penniless only a few years after their big win, because they had no money management skills. It’s almost impossible to believe, but it happens all the time – and not just with the lottery. Winners take time after a loss to continue to hone their skills. They visualize what they’ll need to do after the win to make sure they’re ready to perform when it happens. Winners know that a gift given to the ill-prepared can easily become a curse.

Am I losing because it just isn’t my time?

So you know for sure that you’re after the right thing. And you know that you’re well-prepared to maintain that thing after you’ve won it. So what gives? Why do you keep losing? Well baby, maybe it just isn’t your time. While you’re fuming about how unfair it all is, maybe there’s someone else out there who had just as much right to the ‘big win’ as you did. They may have waited longer or worked harder, or maybe it was simply ‘their time’. Maybe you’re like that year-five winner, and you’ll have to lose many times before you win. Just remember to re-assess, re-equip, and reapply yourself… even if everyone else thinks you’re insane.

As it turns out, our girl made it through the pageant ordeal without too much emotional or ego damage. After a post-pageant dinner out, she was mostly back to normal. The following week, she got an unexpected phone call. It came from a talent scout who’d seen her at the pageant and wanted to know if she was available for other opportunities.

So let that be a lesson to all you losers out there. The next time you lose, go ahead and have a good cry, check to make sure the makeup is still ok, then treat yourself to something tasty.

And know this… your day is coming. Maybe even sooner than you think.

cheers,

k

photo: total loser by bamzin

photo: …and the winner is by notsogoodphotography

mistress didi – crusader of classic fetish

**Disclaimer: some of the links and topics contained in this post are of an adult nature. If you find such information objectionable, go watch a cartoon. **

Bondage, BDSM, fetish, kink. When you hear those terms, images of whips, chains, leather, and latex may immediately come to mind. Less innocuous terms like freak, pervert, or deviant, are often used to describe the participants in the bondage and fetish scenes. Many people are confounded, some are intrigued (even those who won’t admit it), and others are downright repulsed by the set of behaviors classified as modern fetish. But there is at least one woman who is dedicated to preserving fetish and BDSM as an art, not only for the beauty of it, but for its therapeutic benefits as well.

Her name? Mistress Didi. Had it not been for the annual Hedonism art show at Apache I attended a few months back, our paths might never have crossed. After the show, which featured live performances and installations by several local erotic artists, I had questions. Who were these artists and performers? Did they have day jobs? What path leads one to take the stage or pick up a paintbrush as an erotic artist? I set out to find answers, and when I came across Mistress Didi, I felt that I’d found a reliable source for them. Instead of the usual graphic and provocative imagery on other fetish websites, Mistress Didi’s site provides page after page of information that is an unlikely blend of spiritual philosophy, basic manners and etiquette, and of course, fetish culture. Her emphasis on quality and artisanship in the culture has led her to coin the term classic fetish, of which she is a very vocal proponent.

After a few online exchanges, Mistress Didi – a petite little firebrand with a demeanor befitting a Mistress – agreed to let me interview her so she could explain more about the spiritual, therapeutic, and artistic aspects of classic fetish.

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What do you think is the biggest misconception about fetish?
That it’s not consensual and that it’s a psychological deviation. In the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) fetish is literally classified as an abnormality.

That’s sort of ironic, since you consider fetish to be therapeutic. Can you speak about how you’ve added a therapeutic aspect to fetish? What sort of challenges or blocks do you feel fetish can help people overcome?
You make decisions about who you are in your life. You have to like who you are. So many times, we choose things based upon others telling us that we will be accepted or like based on their criteria. People are massively mind controlled by religion, the media… but it’s about being responsible for your actions, and living life to enjoy it.
I have my philosophy of spiritual hedonism which is my religion that I invented. I figured, hey, if L. Ron Hubbard can invent one then I can too! And mine is a helluva lot more fun than his! (laughs) But my thing is about being responsible for your actions. Whatever you choose to do, be responsible for that 100%, live life to enjoy it and spread that joy. Party on!

Hey, what else is there, right?
What if? That’s my motivation. What if? What if the world does end in 2012? What if something falls out of the sky on top of my head? What if this is my last inhale? When I die, I don’t want to go, “Oh hell, that sucked”. I wanna be able to say, “Alright, that was pretty cool!” I recognize that I am a sadist by nature, but I also know that as a Libra, I go to extremes. Like all my charitable work, all my healing work in my vanilla life is one end of the spectrum. And then my expertise in the sadistic arts is the other end of the spectrum. However, as I was saying to you earlier about responsibility… I’m not one of these people that has some kind of egomania going on and is picking up a whip and just flailing it ridiculously. I studied with qualified practitioners and experts in their particular genres, and I know what I’m doing. Plus I have an extensive knowledge of human physiology and human psychology and I’m always enhancing my education. I owe that not only to myself, but to the fetish community. Because if you’re gonna go out there and call yourself a dominant, then you need to be in control of your reality, your own personal space, your own domain.

That’s quite powerful.
But you can take that outside of the fetish world. The thing is that we are taught to react rather than respond. Reaction is irrational and it’s designed so we can take the focus off of our responsibility. When you respond, that requires conscious choice and a decision that you make that you can live with yourself.

So how do you respond to the mainstream’s misconceptions about fetish?
What I’ve decided to do is create better fetish. What they call fetish now are these screaming, screeching parties. At these little screeching parties with all these kids who think they’re gonna tell ME about domming… what they don’t know is that I’m old enough to be their mother, I just look better than they do. And there’s a reason for that too. Their whole concept of S&M is stand and pose. They like getting dressed up – god knows I do – but that is not the end of it all. They have no etiquette, they have no manners. Some people think fetish is kink. Fetish is not just kink. Fetish is not just about sexuality.

There’s a more ancient, historical aspect to the term, right?
If you look at the word fetish in the dictionary, you will see that. In indigenous cultures, these people took a physical thing that embodied the representation of how you were working spiritual energy and how you were focusing that. How u connect with the higher God energy to manifest things in your life.

Fetish (definition) - A fetish (from the French fétiche; which comes from the Portuguese feitiço; “artificial” and the Latine facere, “to make”) is an object believed to have supernatural powers, or in particular, a man-made object that has power over others.

French philosopher Michel Leiris simplifies the original definition as, an ‘objectified form of our desire’.

Another misconception about fetish. People think that you go to one of these parties and someone is gonna beat you. No, no, no! If that happens, you need to complain to somebody and have the offender thrown the hell out. Because the creed is safe, sane, and consensual. I see all kinds of abominable things happening at these parties and that’s why I don’t go. I have my own parties and with the exception of the one on June 4, they’re all private. And because that behavior is fostered and allowed to breed like a cancer in our community, that’s why I wrote, “How to Properly Present Yourself to a Mistress” and offer it as a free book.

You mention on your site that your book is also useful for people who aren’t necessarily into fetish?
Absolutely. I tell people to use this for their kids. Because all that it is is common courtesy and social graces.
Now, if we taught our children in kindergarten 2 things. Body awareness so that they would be able to do a check-in internally, do some deep breathing or other techniques instead of fidgeting because they’re uncomfortable. And if we taught kids that it’s ok to acknowledge that I’m angry or I don’t like that. Acknowledge that and realize what else you can do with that. You don’t always have to be…  well, for lack of a better word, you don’t always have to be a d*&k! You can choose to take the high road even when others are being low-lives. That’s one of the things I teach in Domina 101.

Is that what separates classic fetish – the protocols, the courtesies, and the rituals?
My brand of classic fetish goes even beyond that. I call it classic fetish because we’re taking it towards the highest beauty. Have you ever seen a pair of shoes that takes your breath away and it’s a magical moment? I grew up in the fetish scene, so what it’s deteriorating today is disgusting and its deteriorating because there’s these little hoochies working in a dungeon and they think they can put the word Mistress in front of their name and that puts them in the same category as someone like me.

First of all, they’re not really dommes. They are subbing to some idiot guy with a pimp mentality. That’s why I call them ‘hoochies with whips’. The reason that we even have the distinction of classic fetish is because people have decided to abuse something that was beautiful.

How would you suggest dominants or aspiring dommes who don’t just want to be ‘hoochies with whips’ educate themselves? What about vanilla people who want to begin exploring fetish?
For aspiring dommes, there are tons of seasoned dommes out there to learn from and there are organizations like TES (The Eulenspiegel Society).
They should also check out my articles: The Importance of Rituals and Protocols, and Domme vs. Dumme.
For newcomers to the scene, there is a website called The BDSM Resource Center. It’s a really good resource for fetish or I should say BDSM education. Fetish includes lifestyle stuff like people who just enjoy certain articles of clothing. BDSM is bondage, domination, sadomasochism – it is an actual physical expression. It’s a very physical thing.

Are there certain tools and techniques that every fetishist should have in his or her toolkit?
Yes! Have a basic knowledge of First Aid. Become CPR certified, definitely own a First Aid kit. Know how to handle burns, cuts. Have safety rules. And always play with a phone nearby, in case of emergencies. I think everyone should go to a safe party – where you can actually talk to people whose lifestyles are a part of this culture. And these people are a much higher caliber versus going to a loud disco where the music is so loud you can’t hear anything. When I see people playing in these clubs where the music is so loud… that to me is very irresponsible, because you can’t see the danger signs.

As an African-American in the fetish / BDSM community, are you something of a unicorn? Do you find that there are any racial divides or misunderstandings within the fetish community?
There’s a huge black culture in the whole BDSM thing. People give folks – especially those who are into being slaves or submissives a lot of flack for that. Like, given our history, how could you want to be a slave? But they don’t understand that this is a completely different concept from the slavery that we understand as a part of African-American history. That was completely non-consensual.

Talk about some of the classes you offer? Which is your most popular?
Transcendent trampling. Because when I trample it’s a sight to see. That’s my own specific technique. When I teach that, first I start out with a basic anatomy course. Which muscles can take weight bearing, where are the places that you should never apply pressure. Where is the carotid artery… don’t lean on that! (laughs) because I was a dancer for years, when I trample, it’s a work of art.

I seem to get a lot of response for Max Wax, my waxplay course.  Now the vanilla women are really funny. They want to know all of this stuff, but if it’s not presented to them in a way that they feel they won’t be judged, then they can’t get with the program. So I have a course that I call Role Play 101 – and it’s really just a basic introduction on how to spice up your sex life with your honey.

Where would you like to see fetish go? Ten years from now, do you think you’ll still be involved in fetish?
Oh, absolutely. This is a part of who I am. I think folks think it’s something you do on the weekends. This is part of who I am, not just how I am. Most people don’t realize that who they are can be quite lovely… how they are is quite wretched.

To be a dominant means you choose how things are for your comfort and your ultimate well-being in your life. People don’t like that. They think it means you put on 8-inch heels and walk around with your butt hanging out, but I only do that on special occasions and only for special people. And no I DO NOT have sex with my playmates. This is not a sexual thing for me. This is a connection between two people on a level that is spiritual, physical, emotional, mental and is totally transcendent. And because I have that experience on a regular basis, I see how many people are not having it, and that’s what’s missing from what is considered fetish in the mainstream today.

It’s not necessarily for everyone else. But I say, don’t knock it until you try it. There are things that you’ll discover that you don’t like, and you just have to understand that that’s what YOU don’t like. Just try not to judge what other people do like. And there’s some nasty stuff out there – very unhealthy stuff. I don’t understand how folks get into it. But I try not to judge it, I just make my choices not to indulge with them.

At this point in our talk, Mistress Didi’s dog, who she calls Li’l Doggie enters and asks for a treat. She shares that Li’l Doggie – who she got from an animal rescue – doesn’t have much longer to live. She moves on to tell me about another dog that she rescued previously that had been abused.

I took him, in a short amount of time, from being in a place of extreme fear to being able to sit on strangers’ laps. And that, to me, is dominance. Because I created an environment for him to become as beautiful as he could be, and to love life as much as he could. And that is what BDSM is for me. That’s what I believe the goal of being a dominant is. You don’t just have someone in your life because you can. It should be a mutual evolutionary process.

We move on to talk about other things like: her future plans to open a private fetish club in NYC (contact her if you’re interested in investing), RuPaul’s Drag Race (she’s a fan), and the fact that she feels this season’s RPDR winner – Tyra Sanchez – is a good role model for his son.

I’d love to meet her. Tyra accepts who Tyra is. Tyra says to the world, this is how I express myself and how I love living.

How dare someone tell me how we should love. Look what their way of loving got the world.

For more information about Mistress Didi and her brand of classic fetish, check out her website, her blog, or follow her on Twitter.

cheers,

k

20 things mama used to (and still does) say

I was listening to WABE the other day and the announcer asked for listeners to call in and share things that their mother always said that they still remembered. I didn’t get a chance to call in and share my memories, but in honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d share them with you, Dear Reader.

Here goes…

1. It’s better to have and not need than to need and not have.

2. There is a difference between being a woman and being a lady.

3. Always be observant.

4. Your beauty may open a door, but your brain will keep it open for you.

5. The streets will always be there.

6. If you ever feel you want to try drugs or alcohol, come to me first. (yeah, my mom’s progressive as hell!)

7. Bedtime is at 9:30 pm. (progressive, yet ridiculously strict!)

8. Always take 2 quarters with you, so you can use the pay phone if he acts up on the date. (obviously before cell phones!)

9. Never go for the HMO option.

10. Real ladies keep their shoes on all night (for those of y’all who like to wear those heels you can’t walk in).

11. As long as you live under my roof, you will do what I say.

12. Never say, “I don’t know” when I ask why you did something. Say, “Because I wanted to“. You should always know why you did something.

13. Y’all called me up to the school for THIS? (when I got in trouble for saying the word ‘penis’ on camera in high school)

14. Don’t be the one who is influenced. Be the one who influences.

15. People didn’t expect much from you because I was a single parent. Just shows you that you shouldn’t worry about what people expect.

16. I got you this far. I’m done raising you. The rest is up to you.

17. I guess I have to cut the apron strings at some point.

18. Alright, queen. don’t forget I am yo’ mama! (said when we ‘argue’)

19. Aren’t you lucky to have such a beautiful muuuther!? (I am, by the way)

20. You know I always got your back. (and I got yours, mama!)

What are some things your mother used to (or still does) say?

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. We hear you, even when we’re not listening .

cheers,

k

earth day turns 40 today – some gifts you can give

 

Today is the 40^th anniversary of Earth Day – a day designed to inspire awareness and appreciation for the lovely blue planet we call home (well, most of us anyway… some of y’all are clearly from the outer limits).

Haven’t thought of how you’ll celebrate the day? No worries, here’s a handy list of ways you can show Earth that you care.

• Take a walk around your neighborhood – pick up any trash you see along your walk. Talk to any neighbors you run into and ask them to do the same.
• For Atlanta residents, take a look at the skyline. See that slightly brown haze? Yeah, that’s not supposed to be there.  Get on the phone with your local and state representative or send them an email and ask them what they’re doing to: 1) support clean air in our city, or 2) help enhance public transportation options that reduce smog.
• Go for a quick hike in one of Atlanta’s neighborhood, state, or national parks.
• Visit an Atlanta-area community garden – ask how you can get involved. Don’t have a community garden in your neighborhood? Start one.
• Check into joining a CSA (community-supported agriculture). With CSAs you get fresh produce from local farms delivered to you. Way better than the over-priced, under-fresh stuff from the grocery store that you don’t know WHERE it came from. Here’s a comprehensive list of Atlanta-area CSAs.
• Work from home – save the miles and the emission. If you can’t do that…
• Bike to work, carpool, take the train or bus. If you can’t do that…
• Walk to the store in the evening instead of driving.
• Have dinner by candlelight and save some energy. Better yet, replace your regular light bulbs with energy-efficient light bulbs. If you’re feeling really magnanimous, buy a couple of extra bulbs and gift them to your neighbor.
• Gather your old electronics for recycling on April 24 at Turner Field. Here’s the details (PDF) .
• Visit Atlantic Station’s Enviro Expo. For extra impact, bike there or take Marta to Arts Center Station and catch the free shuttle from there.
• Donate or pledge to WABE - Atlanta’s public radio station – today. For each pledge received today, Trees Atlanta will plant a tree in your honor.
• Save some green with these Earth Day deals and discounts from the Atlanta Bargain Hunter – free milkshakes, discount Six Flags tickets, and free admission to the Atlanta Botanical Garden await.
• Celebrate Our World Earth Day 2010 at Georgia Tech.
• Support local food , local business, and Atlanta’s street food revolution at the Super Secret Underground Food Truck Extravaganza today.

 

cheers,

k

of snakes, slaves, and shamrocks – fact and fiction surrounding st. patrick’s day

St. Patrick’s Day is one of those really random holidays that lots of Americans celebrate mainly because it gives us an excuse to get drunk, wear green, and pinch total strangers. But few know the real story about the man who originally inspired the celebration, and even less about the images associated with the annual bacchanalian festival.
So I thought I’d share and dispel some of the most common myths and misconceptions associated with St. Patrick’s Day.

St. Patrick was Irish.
Nope. St. Patrick, whose original name was Maewyn Succat (Can you imagine celebrating St. Maewyn’s day? Lame.), was British born. At 16, his family was attacked by Irish raiders and he was shuttled off to slavery. He spent 6 years as an enslaved sheep herder until a vision from God inspired him to escape. After that, he entered the priesthood, where he assumed the name Patrick.

St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.
Um, not really, since Ireland doesn’t have any snakes. What St. Paddy did do, however, was return to Ireland after his escape from slavery and begin spreading Christianity to the largely pagan Irish folk. Thus the notion that he drove ‘snakes’ from Ireland is probably more of a figurative idea. The pagan Celts of ancient Ireland also used the symbol of the snake in many of their rituals, so that also plays a part in the erroneous snake-ridding legend.

St. Patrick’s Day is always celebrated on March 17.
It is! Except… occasionally, it isn’t. St. Patrick’s Day always occurs during Lent. The Catholic church has a policy against celebrating saint feast days when they fall on a solemnity. For brevity’s sake, we’ll just say a solemnity is a reeeeally important event on the Catholic calendar (for instance, Good Friday is a solemnity). On the rare times that March 17 falls on a solemnity, dear old St. Paddy gets shifted to another spot on the calendar. The last time St. Patrick’s Day was moved was in 2008, when it was shifted to March 15. The next time will be 2160. So, I doubt you’ll have to mark your calendar for that one.

The shamrock is a symbol of good luck.
Well, kinda. Back in the day when St. Paddy was trying to convince those pagans to switch to Christianity, Powerpoint slides and Venn diagrams hadn’t been invented yet. So, trying to explain a complicated concept like The Holy Trinity was a bit of a hassle. Luckily, there were all these little three-leaf clovers growing about that he could pluck and use as a visual aid. And that’s how the shamrock became linked to St. Patrick.

The color green is the traditional hue associated with St. Patrick.
As this clip from the History Channel reveals, the original color associated with St. Patrick was blue. The color green came into play when Irish Catholics would wear a shamrock on the feast day of St. Patrick. Eventually, the Irish adopted more widespread use of the color as a political and patriotic statement during the Society of United Irishmen’s rebellion against British rule in the 1790s.
So now you know the truth about St. Patrick’s Day. In case you’re wondering what you should do with these valuable new brain wrinkles, I recommend the following: go to your local pub, and bet a drink to anyone who thinks they know more than you do about St. Patrick’s Day. Because in the end, it is all about getting sloshed, isn’t it?

Here are some choice St. Patrick’s Day celebrations in Atlanta where you can flaunt your newfound Irish knowledge:

2010 Atlanta St. Patrick’s Parade & Festival (March 13)
Peachtree Street, Downtown. Noon. Coach Vince Dooley is this year’s Grand Marshal. Visit http://www.stpatsparadeatlanta.com/ for parade route and details.

The Junior League of Atlanta’s ShamRock N Roll Road Race (March 14)
Highlights of the race held at Atlantic Station include entertainment at the start and finish, a pre-race warm up by Operation Boot Camp and bands like Consoultant and Stratogeezer along the course. Kilt wearers are welcome! 5k race starts at 8am; 10k at 8:30. All entrants will receive a free running shirt. For more info, visit: http://www.jlatlanta.org/?nd=shamrock_n_roll

St. Patrick’s Day Party at AltoRex Rooftop Lounge (March 17)
The open-air lounge, situated atop nationally acclaimed restaurant Pacci Ristorante, will serve up green beer and drink specials including their signature Lemintcello, made of housemade Limoncello, Midori and fresh mint, as well as Irish food specials. Win raffle prizes and take pictures with a real leprechaun! For more information, call: 678-412-2402 or visit: www.altorexlounge.com .

St. Paddy’s Day at Stats, (March 17)
Celebrate with $2 pints from 2 p.m.-2 a.m., live music by Whiskey and Stout, and giveaways from Baileys, Bushmills, Guiness and more. Call 404-885-1472 for more details.

St. Patrick’s Day at Fado Irish Pub (March 17)
Pub opens at 6 a.m. Bagpipers and Irish dancers start at 12:30 p.m. After that there will be an outdoor festival with live music all day and a DJ at night. $15 cover charge for adults after noon. Kids enter free. You must be 21 or over to be in the event area after 4 pm. Tickets available at: http://www.fadoirishpub.com/atlanta/

cheers,

k

photo credit: Loci Lenar

v-day poll results and some unconventional v-day events in atlanta

A couple of weeks ago, I polled guys and ladies separately on what sort of gift you’d like most for Valentine’s Day. Well, the results are in!

 

While they weren’t all that surprising – women overwhelmingly prefer ‘experience gifts’ to stuff like flowers and candy (wait, you guys did know that already right?), and men didn’t really have a preference -  what was surprising is that more women than men responded that they thought Valentine’s Day was for suckas, and 10% of the ladies who responded said that they just wanted ‘to be left alone’. C’mon girlfriends, it can’t be that bad out there… can it? 

Whether you’re single or seeing someone, here are my picks for some unconventional ways to spend this Valentine’s Day in Atlanta.

Witness the Black Man-o-logues – This play by DreamCatcher Productions at the 14th Street Playhouse answers the question, “What runs through the head of a black man when he is confronted with the subject Love?” Shows Saturday and Sunday. For more info:  http://www.catchingdreamz.com/

Take a Trip to Jeju Sauna -  A spa retreat like you’ve never experienced before. Just a short trip to Duluth, and you can lose yourself in another world for a whole day. Check out my review of Jeju Sauna on Trazzler.

Celebrate Valloween – A combination Halloween costume party with the sexiness of Valentine’s Day for both singles and couples. Because there’s “nothing better than playing dress-up to make a depressing holiday more palatable.” For more info: http://professionalmuse.net/

Hey Love: Bilal, Foreign Exchange, Jesse Boykins III – Sexy soulfulness takes Center Stage on Friday. Bring your boo or plan on finding one when you get there. Tickets at Mood’s Music in Little Five Points and Ticketmaster

Bloom at Lenox Mall - Lauri Stallings, the choreographer behind the 2008 genre-blending production big, that thrust ballet dancers onto the stage with Atlanta’s own Big Boi, will be taking dance to another platform this weekend at Lenox Mall. Bloom, the 3rd site-specific art installation from Atlanta-based gloATL, will feature dancers interacting with shoppers in the arteries of the mall. Spoken word artist Big Rube will also perform. It’s sure to be a sight! For more info: http://www.fluxprojects.org/bloom/index.html 

V-Day Mixology Massacre – If Valentine’s day makes you want to kill something… why not make it a cocktail? The Mixology Meetup group is hosting this event at Room at Twelve on W. Peachtree. You’ll learn how to make 3 V-day inspired cocktails at your own bar station. Then you can immediately drown yourself in them. For more info:  http://www.meetup.com/Mixology-Atlanta/

Make Sweet Chocolate Love at Cacao – If cocktails ain’t your thing, how ’bout some chocolate? Make your own chocolate treats and package them up for yourself or a loved one. Might I suggest: chocolate salty balls. Cacao Atlanta in Va-Hi hosts. For more info: http://www.cacaoatlanta.com/events

To El with Valentine’s Day – El Taco says, ‘be glad you’re single”, and invites you to celebrate your solo-ness with drink specials (like $4 Hornitos Mischieve tequila shots), special prizes from the Wheel of Taco, and an in-house photo booth and tarot reader on Sunday. Get all the details here.

cheers,

k

photo credit: Sister72

y we remember – current perspectives on the future of black history

The name of the comedian escapes me (Chris Rock maybe?), but there’s a standup skit about Black History Month that, unfortunately, is a pretty accurate summation of the Black History curriculum that I and most of my peers received in school: 

“Once upon a time there was a thing called slavery. Some time later, Martin Luther King was born….” 

While that synopsis of Black History education was grossly exaggerated for comic effect, it still wasn’t too far from the truth. Throughout elementary and high school, each February was the time for recounting the familiar narrative: we were once slaves, we were once denied the education and opportunities that other Americans were given, and had it not been for the illustrious leaders of the post-Reconstruction and civil rights era, we might never have made it through. Then we’d sing We Shall Overcome three times, listen to an excerpt of Dr. King’s I Have a Dream speech, learn an African dance routine, and return to our regularly scheduled educational programming in March. While I always enjoyed hearing the familiar stories and speeches, I began to notice that, each year, the gap between the era of Black history I was being taught about and the era of Black now I was living in kept growing wider and wider. 

It wasn’t until I made it to college – where I enrolled in a freshman World History course at Clark Atlanta University – that I got a more comprehensive understanding of how Black and African history figured in the larger context of human history. On the first day of class, the professor walked in, headed straight for the blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk and drew three figures. The first was a straight line. The second was a circle. And the third, a straight line that then arced back upon itself. It was only after he’d finished his drawings that he addressed the class. 

“This,” he began, pointing to the straight line, “represents the European worldview. Everything is about forward progress.”
“This,” as he motioned to the circle, “represents the Asian worldview. Everything is cyclical and eventually returns to where it began.”
“And this,” referring to the straight-line-arc, “Is the African worldview. Ever moving forward, but always drawing on the lessons of the past.”
I would later recognize the straight-line-arc being represented in the Adinkra symbol of the Sankofa bird. Sankofa being a word in the Akan language that means ‘go back and get it’, referring to the idea of taking the wisdom of the past and using it to make progress toward a beneficial future. 

It occurs to me that many of us are still celebrating Black History Month the way were taught in elementary school. We recall those icons of the past, laud their praises, recount the stories, and sing the old hymns for 28 days, then it’s back to our regularly scheduled lives in March. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should stop talking about Malcolm, Martin, and Rosa. But the ’old way’ of approaching Black History Month has caused it to lose some of its relevance in the now. We African-American artists, intellectuals, activists, and entrepreneurs are the ones who are creating the history that future generations will look to to help them guide their own progress. And now that we have ‘gone back and gotten it’… what do we do with it today? 

A couple of my contemporaries have dedicated these 28 days to answering that question in their own ways. One, by spotlighting today’s diverse leaders of new media, and the other by issuing a unique call to action for the latest tragedy to hit the Diaspora. 

Wayne Sutton, Social Media and Community Strategist at Twine Interactive (an internet marketing firm), has launched 28 Days of Diversity on his blog, www.socialwayne.com. Each day in February, Sutton will highlight an individual who is a leader or influencer in IT, the web, new media, etc. In an industry that has too few brown faces, this is a huge way of exposing those that we might not ever hear about otherwise. Case in point: today’s spotlight is on Atlanta-based blogger, video producer, and media consultant, Amani Channel. In addition to being the founder of Visual Eye Media, Amani is also the community manager for PBA’s Lens on Atlanta, and in his spare time (yes, that’s sarcasm) he blogs at www.myurbanreport.com. Keep an eye on Wayne’s blog for more folks you should meet this month. 

Bren Herrera, an Atlanta chef and food writer, is rallying the global community of food bloggers, chefs, restaurauteurs, and foodies to raise funds for victims of Haiti’s earthquake via Stir It 28. Stir It 28 is a prime example of 21st century community activism, leveraging new media in a 3-part campaign to raise $50,000 within 28 days. 100% of proceeds will be donated directly to Share Our Strength and Yéle. The fundraiser is a multi-city collaboration between Hererra, who blogs at Flanboyant Eats, Chrystal of The Duo Dishes and Courtney of Coco Cooks. Read all about Stir It 28 and how you can participate . 

(You’ll be hearing more about Stir It 28 from me soon, as I’ll definitely be participating!) 

cheers, 

k

QUICK POLL: what do you want most for valentine’s day?

 

I’m doing some research for a future post, Dear Reader, and I could really use your input.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and from my experience, it’s a holiday that seems to cause more angst than any other. There’s the increased pressure of what to get your beloved, and the heightened expectation of what you’ll receive. Then there are those who relish the once-a-year opportunity to vocally denounce love, the commercialization of love, and the love of commercialization. And finally there’s that lonely lot – that each year we all secretly hope we’re not a member of – of unattached, uninvolved folk who feel compelled to treat V-day as a national day of mourning.

So I thought it’d be interesting to get a pulse on what kind of things people actually want for V-day. I’ve created two polls – one for the ladies, and one for the gents. When you get a moment, give me your thoughts. I’ll share  the answers with you before V-day.

Here’s the poll for ladies:

LADIES: What Kind of V-Day Gift Would You Prefer This Year?
	A store-bought gift (e.g., flowers, lingerie)
	An experience gift (e.g., dinner, spa, travel)
	A sexual gift
	I want to be left alone
	What gift? V-day is for suckas!
pollcode.com free polls

 alternate link: http://poll.pollcode.com/A8N 

And here’s one for the guys…

GUYS: What Kind of V-Day Gift Would You Prefer This Year?
	A store-bought gift (e.g., cologne, clothing)
	An experience gift (e.g., travel, spa)
	A sexual gift
	I want to be left alone
	What gift? V-day is for suckas!
pollcode.com free polls

alternate link: http://poll.pollcode.com/CrYq 

cheers,

k

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