holiday leftover quiches

Part of my holiday ritual is to visit close friends after I’ve had dinner with my own family. It’s a time for me to catch up with my non-related loved ones. It’s also a great opportunity for me to sample holiday dishes from other families whose traditions and flavors may be just a bit different from my own. Invariably, by the time I’ve finished my rounds, I’ve got more than one to-go plate piled high with Christmas dinner staples like ham, turkey, and cornbread dressing (Note: I’m Southern. We don’t do stuffing).

This year, instead of letting those leftovers go to waste in the fridge, I decided I’d whip up a few quiches with what I scavenged from the multiple Christmas dinners that I dropped in on.

With a little help from some ingredients I already had on hand, I was able to make 3 different quiches. I strongly recommend you try at least one to make use of your own Christmas leftovers.

Ingredients:

2-3 cups of leftover cornbread dressing or stuffing OR 2-3 prepared pie crusts

12 large eggs

2 cups of half and half, heavy cream or condensed milk

1 tsp of nutmeg

1 tsp of cayenne pepper

salt and black pepper to taste

2 cups of shredded cheese (I had remnants of cheddar,

mozzarella, and jack in the fridge)

leftover turkey and/or ham, diced

1-2 cups broccoli, chopped

1/3 to ½ cup of sun dried tomatoes, chopped

1-1 ½ cups baby portobella mushrooms, chopped

2-3 cloves garlic, minced

½ medium onion, diced

3 simple soup recipes your grandma would be proud of

“As the days grow short, some faces grow long. But not mine. Every autumn, when the wind turns cold and darkness comes early, I am suddenly happy. It’s time to start making soup again.” ~Leslie Newman

As a kid, the return of cold weather meant one thing: the return of my grandma’s soup. My grandmother’s soup was slightly different each time depending on what leftovers remained from that week’s cooking. Sometimes there was beef, other times chicken, and occasionally, only vegetables – but it was always the gut-and-soul warming concoction I needed to make me feel that all was right with the world. A big bowl of grandma’s soup along with a perfectly grilled cheese sandwich equaled toe-curling goodness.

As much I used to enjoy soup eating, soup making wasn’t something I ventured into until fairly recently. I think somewhere along the way I convinced myself that only grandmas could make good tasting soups, and that I should steer clear of such foreign territory. In reality, though, soups are fairly easy for even novice cooks. And they’re an excellent way to make a meal that’s quick, budget-friendly and full of feel-good flavor. Plus, soups are universal. Every culture has at least one signature recipe for slow cooked veggies and meats in savory broth that’s a beloved dish at almost any dinner table.

The basic formula for most soups is the same. Step 1: Saute or roast aromatics and seasonings. Step 2: Add other ingredients. Step 3: cover with liquid. Step 4: Bring to a boil, or simmer until everything reaches desired texture and flavor.

As Ina says, “How easy is that?”

Here are 3 of my favorite soup recipes that any grandma would be proud of.

Lentil Soup with Root Vegetables

Ingredients:

2 Tbsp olive oil
2-3 stalks of celery
1 medium onion
2 cloves of garlic
ground spice mixture (1 Tbsp cumin, about 1 tsp each of: cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom, paprika)
2 cups of green lentils
root vegetables: your choice of carrots, parsnips, and/or potatoes
6 cups vegetable broth or stock
salt and black pepper to taste
Optional (but highly recommended): 2-3 leaves of fresh culantro (not cilantro)

Chop or thinly slice all of the vegetables and the garlic (chopped veggies give a more homestyle feel; sliced veggies, a more refined one). Heat olive oil on medium high in a large pot, and add celery, onion, and garlic. Saute until onions begin to turn translucent. Add ground spices and saute for a minute, stirring constantly so you don’t burn the spices. Add remaining vegetables and lentils and stir to combine all ingredients. Add enough vegetable broth to cover everything. Bring to a boil, then turn heat to low. If using culantro, add to the soup. Cover and simmer until vegetables are tender and lentils are cooked through (about 40 minutes to an hour), adding more broth as needed. Stir occasionally during cooking. Add salt and pepper to taste before serving.

Why you’ll love this soup: It’s very low effort. It’s 100% vegan so you can feel good about eating it. The blend of spices gives an earthy Middle Eastern flavor that’s exotic without being weird.

Curried Butternut Squash Soup

Ingredients:

olive oil
salt and black pepper
2 medium onions, chopped
1 not-so-sweet red apple, peeled cored, and chopped
2 stalks of celery, chopped
1 carrots, peeled and chopped
3-4 butternut squash (about 3 lbs)
1 Tbsp curry powder
1/2 Tbsp ground ginger
2 tsp garlic powder
approx. 5 cups chicken broth or stock
special tools: blender, immersion blender, or food processor
for garnish (use any or all): chopped green onions, chopped cilantro, dried cranberries, coconut flakes, chopped cashews

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Cut each squash in half lengthwise and remove seeds/pulp with a spoon. Drizzle chopped veggies, apple, and squash halves with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place chopped veggies and apple on 1 baking sheet and squash on a separate baking sheet, skin side up. Place in oven and cook until very tender (about 20 minutes for apple/onion and 45 minutes to 1 hour for squash). Allow roasted ingredients to cool. Scoop out squash flesh and add to blender or food processor with roasted ingredients, and about 1 cup of chicken broth. Depending on the size of your blender or food processor, you may have to do this in batches. Blend mixture until you have a puree. In a large pot, heat olive oil on medium high and add curry powder and ginger. Saute for 1 minute, then add squash puree and enough chicken broth to reach desired consistency. Heat on medium until warm. If you’re using an immersion blender, add all of the roasted ingredients to the sauteed curry powder / ginger mixture in the pot. Cover with chicken broth. Bring to a boil, then turn heat to low. Cover and simmer for 10-15 minutes. Remove from heat and blend in the pot until you reach the desired consistency. Add more salt and pepper to taste. Serve with garnishes on the side.

Why you’ll love this soup: The color is beautiful. If you’re used to sweet butternut squash soups, you’ll enjoy this savory alternative. You can customize the flavor and texture to your heart’s content with the garnishes.

Easy Vietnamese Pho Ga (Chicken Pho)

Ingredients:

olive oil
2 medium onions
3 slices of fresh ginger
6-8 cups of chicken broth
1 tsp of fish sauce
16 oz rice noodles (or angel hair pasta)
1-2 cups cooked, shredded chicken (preferably dark meat)
for garnish: thai basil leaves or chopped cilantro, sliced jalapeno, chopped green onion, lime wedges, chili sauce (sriracha), bean sprouts

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Peel onions and cut into quarters. Drizzle with a little olive oil. Place onion and ginger on baking sheet in oven. Roast for 20-25 minutes or until lightly browned. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil, and cook rice noodles (or angel hair) according to package directions. Place cooked noodles into 4 separate bowls. In a separate pot, add chicken broth and fish sauce and heat on medium-low. When onion and ginger are roasted, add to chicken broth. Heat on medium-low for 15 minutes. Add a small amount of chicken and each garnish to each bowl on top of cooked noodles. Ladle hot broth into each bowl (leaving onion and ginger in the pot) and serve with extra garnishes on the side.

Why you’ll love this soup: It has everything you expect from traditional chicken noodle soup with a decidedly non-traditional flavor. It tastes almost as good with or without the chicken in the soup. It’s even easier to make than the other two soups above.

cheers,

k

photo: Vegetable soup by Lottery Monkey, on Flickr

photo: Lentil Soup by Back to the Cutting Board, on Flickr

photo: pho ga by jslander, on Flickr

spatchcock chicken recipe

I first had spatchcock chicken a little over a year ago at The Sound Table in Atlanta. The dish was most impressive because of its simplicity – cuts of bone-in chicken, with an herby-citrusy flavor and a nice char on the skin. Determined to recreate the dish at home, I searched the interwebs and discovered that the term ‘spatchcock’ had nothing to do with how the meat was flavored, and everything to do with how the meat was cut.

Put simply, to spatchcock means to remove the spine or backbone of the bird in preparation for oven or grill roasting. Spatchocking is actually the more formal cooking term for butterflying. The whole point of spatchcocking is to allow even cooking of both white and dark meat portions of the bird. As anyone who has roasted a whole bird knows, it can be near impossible to have juicy, fully-cooked thighs and legs without also ending up with dry, overcooked breasts and wings.

Get your head out of the gutter, please.

Since my first taste, I’ve spatchcocked my fair share of birds.  I even spatchcocked last year’s Thanksgiving turkey – it cooked in record time and was the most flavorful roasted turkey I’ve ever had. Dark and white meat were equally juicy. The skin was perfectly crispy, and the under-the-skin seasoning technique I use had infused every bite with serious flavor.

Plus, I get to giggle a bit every time I tell my guests what they’re eating.

Recipe for Spatchcocked Chicken

Ingredients:

1 whole chicken

2-3 Tbsp olive oil

1 lemon

2-3 cloves of garlic

salt, pepper, rosemary, thyme, marjoram (or use whatever blend of herbs/spices you prefer)

1-2 Tbsp butter (optional)

Kitchen Tools

sturdy kitchen shears

latex gloves (optional) - I get kinda squeamish when handling raw chicken, so I always don a pair of latex gloves for the prep.

mini food-processor (optional)

Prepare  the seasoning mixture by combining the oil, butter, salt, pepper, garlic and herbs in the food processor and processing to a thick paste. Alternatively, mince the garlic and stir together in a small bowl with the other ingredients. Half the lemon and squeeze juice of one half into the seasoning mixture. Stir to blend. Cut the whole lemon into thin slices. Set lemons and seasoning mixture aside.

Rinse the bird well, including the inner cavity. Place the bird on a stable surface or inside of a large baking pan, breast side down. Using the shears, cut vertically along either side of the backbone from one end of the cavity to the other. Depending on how good your shears are, this may be easy or it may be pretty hard. Use a bit of elbow grease. Rock the shears back and forth to break the bones on either side of the spine. Channel your inner Hannibal Lecter. Sip a Chianti. You’ll get through it.

At the end of that gruesomeness, you should have a spineless bird in front of you, and a bird spine in your hand. Save the spine for making stock, or toss it out.

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees.

Run your hand gently under the skin covering the bird’s breast, separating the skin from the flesh. Go all the way down to the thigh area, being careful not puncture the skin. Using a teaspoon or your hands, take small amounts of the seasoning mixture and rub all over the bird, under the skin. You may have extra seasoning mixture left over. Take lemon slices and slide them under the skin. I usually place 1 slice on each thigh, 2 on each breast, and tuck a lemon slice under each wing. Sprinkle more salt and pepper all over the skin. Place the bird in a roasting pan and cook for 40 minutes to 1-hour, until done (3 tests for doneness: juices run clear; leg/thigh moves easily in socket; thermometer inserted at thickest part of breast reads at least 160 degrees).

Note: When I tried this recipe with turkey, I did not de-spine my own turkey. I bought the bird from the Sweet Auburn Curb Market and had the butcher there make a cut on each side of the spine while the bird was still in its wrapper. I suggest you seek similar assistance for a larger bird.

cheers,

k
Photo 1: via Leon Dale Photography

Photo 2: via Another Pint Please…, on Flickr

Photo 3: via that.turtle, on Flickr

7 things to do the day after getting fired

Canned. Sacked. Let go. Forcibly retired. Getting fired, no matter what sweet-sounding name you try to pin on it, is still a pretty bitter experience. Even if you’re expecting it to happen (or you’ve been secretly praying for it to happen), nothing ever quite prepares you for the day you get fired.

Yet, in our continually uncertain economy, getting fired is an experience that more and more people are having to deal with. Naturally, most people react to a firing in an emotional way – with tears, anger, idle threats, feelings of isolation or low self-worth. But the 24 hours after you’ve been fired is not the time to be paralyzed by emotion, it’s the time for some very simple actions that can pay off big in the long run. You can always come back to the 5 stages of grief later.

the 5 Stages of Grief, by Jack Donaghy

Here are 7 suggestions for what to do the day after your last day on the job.

Tell Everyone

Though shame and embarrassment at losing your job might make you want to keep the whole mess a secret, don’t. Think of it this way: if nobody knows you’ve been fired, nobody will know you’re available for new opportunities. A quick email message (or tweet or Facebook post) to your network of friends and associates saying something like, “Guess what guys, I’m looking for employment again,” followed by a very brief, very clear description of what kind of employment you’d prefer, could work wonders. Many of those people that you tell will likely reach out to ask for more details. Resist the temptation to go into a long diatribe about what an evil cad your now ex-boss was, or how you never liked that filth-flarn company anyway. There will be much time for ranting in the days to come. When pressed for more deets, simply say, “I’m not in a space where I can talk about it right now, we’ll have to get together soon so I can tell you all the gory details. But if you can keep an eye out for (fabulous next job I’m looking for), I’d really appreciate it.”

Ask for Recommendations

Even if you were fired for less than stellar performance, there’s probably at least one person you worked with who actually liked you and the work you did. Instead of avoiding them like the plague, reach out and ask for a quick letter of recommendation. Or better yet, send them a LinkedIn request, so they can put their glowing recommendation of you on the interwebs for the whole world to see. Wait. You do have a LinkedIn account, right?

Get LinkedIn

If you don’t already have a profile on LinkedIn, shame on you. I’m sure it’s because you were so busy with work before that you didn’t have time to get it done. Well, now that that’s no longer a problem, it’s the perfect time for you to create or update your LinkedIn profile. Search for and make connections with your now-former coworkers. Consider this the part of the job loss chapter that you get to write yourself. You decide which characters you want to continue in the story, and how you express what your experience was like.

Update your resume

Even if you don’t intend to start looking for a new job right away, it’s best to update your resume while the details of your last position and accomplishments are still fresh in your mind. You may even consider putting up a free or inexpensive website to post your skills, your resume and examples of your work.

File for unemployment

Labor and employment laws differ for every state. And if you were fired for misconduct or negligence, you may not qualify to receive unemployment benefits. But it never hurts to try. Even if you and your former employer disagree about the reason for your termination, you may be able to appeal an initial denial of unemployment benefits.

Schedule some coffee dates

Write your own training plan

Take some time to envision what sort of job or position you want next. Spend an hour or so searching on Careerbuilder, Monster and other job hunting sites for job descriptions that are similar the position you want. This will allow you to see what sort of skills or certifications are preferred for those roles, and which ones you may need to brush up on. Make a list of 2-3 classes you want to take, certifications you want to pursue, or professional skills that you want to improve upon. In the coming days (or weeks or months), your new job will be to find and complete training classes, self-directed projects, or pro-bono gigs that will prepare you for your next job.

Let’s be honest, it is statistically probable that you’re going to get fired at some point in your life. Your reason for being terminated may not even be your fault. And even if it is your fault, it isn’t the end of the world. Life goes on. You learn from the experience, pick yourself up, and move on to the next chapter. You aren’t the only one this has happened to, and you certainly won’t be the last. By taking small, immediate actions you’ll go a long way in dispelling the feelings of powerlessness that may come with a job loss. And by taking those actions you’ll remind yourself that, in the end, you are the only one responsible for your career destiny.

cheers,

k
photo 1: You’re Fired! by bjornmeansbear, on Flickr

photo 2: via jericapng, on Tumblr

photo 3: Unemployed Dad 488 by Bearman2007, on Flickr

pre-holiday detox: 5-day cleanse before you binge

If this holiday season is anything like last year’s, it will be indulgent. Very, very indulgent. Already, my weekend calendar for the next month is jam-packed with events where hearty food and heavy drink will be the central focus. And that doesn’t even include Thanksgiving.

The chances of me abstaining from this once-a-year feeding frenzy are about as slim as the chances that some portly, older gentleman will slide down my chimney and deliver gifts in late December. Translation: It ain’t happening. But if I’m going to make it to the end of the year looking less like Santa Claus and more like Jesus, I’ve got to do something to counteract the bingeing.

I decided to reach out to my good friend Maria Bee for her advice. Maria and I know each other from our road warrior consulting days when frequent travel, frequent stress and frequent dining out was a part of our daily lives. Since then, Maria has “taken back her life” by teaching everyday slackers like me how to eat and exercise better. And believe me, this lady knows her stuff. As a former fitness competitor (Ms. Figure America Winner, 2009), a personal trainer, and a naturopathic practitioner, Maria is an expert on maintaining overall body health through proper nutrition and exercise. She dishes out tough-love-style diet and exercise advice on her Facebook page and through her blog.

Last week, I mentioned to Maria that I wanted to do a 5-day cleanse each month of the holiday season, and was looking for alternatives to the all-too-strict Master Cleanse that I’ve done a few times before. As luck would have it, Maria was just starting a 5-day pre-holiday cleanse herself and was kind enough to share her daily regimen with me, so I thought I’d pass it along to you, Dear Reader.

Maria Bee’s Pre-Holiday 5-Day Cleanse

Upon Waking: First thing in the morning, drink  1 cup of water

For Breakfast – Fruit smoothie with vegetable-based protein

Ingredients: 5 strawberries, 10 blueberries, 1/2 banana, 1 slice pineapple, 2 tablespoons flax seed oil, 1 teaspoon spurilina, 1 teaspoon macca powder, 25-40 grams Protein powder, Ice (optional), 1 tablespoon local honey (optional)
To Make: Pour all ingredients into a blender, blend well and serve.

For Lunch – Large Salad

Ingredients: Kale, purple onions, cucumber, mushroom, spinach, raisins (optional), broccoli, 1 slice of avocado, Any type of vinaigrette dressing

Drink 16 ounces of water with lunch

For Mid-day Snack (after lunch and before dinner)

Mix 16 ounces of water with a pinch of cayenne pepper and 3 teaspoons of lemon.

Drink water mixture along with a handful of almonds

For Dinner, Option #1 – Vegetable Juice (requires a juicer)
If you don’t have a juicer, use the veggie wrap recipe below.

Drink 16 ounces of water at dinner

Ingredients: 1 broccoli bunch (with stem), 1 handful of spinach, 2 celery sticks, 1/2 Chayote squash, 1 Chard, 2 stems of mustard greens, 2 pinches of cayenne pepper, 1 stalk of ginger, 2 lemons

For Dinner, Option #2 – Veggie Wrap (no juicer required)
Drink 16 ounces of water at dinner

Ingredients: 1 Collard Green leaf, 1 tablespoon hummus, 1 chopped yellow onion, 5 mushrooms cut, 1 green pepper sliced, 1 red pepper sliced, 1/3 cucumber sliced, 3 green olives, 1 broccoli flower cut, 2 slices avocado, 2 teaspoons olive oil, 2 tablespoons vinaigrette dressing, *any additional vegetables can be added

To Make: Take the collard green wrap and rinse thoroughly, lat flat and spread hummus. Add green peppers, red peppers, broccoli, cucumber, olives, mushroom, and onion. Pour olive oil over vegetables, add avocado and vinaigrette dressing. Roll collard green into a wrap, use additional hummus or vinaigrette as a dipping sauce.

As you can see, the focus of the cleanse is raw foods, and it’s a great way to boost nutrition and energy before the holidays or any time that your eating habits have gotten out of wack. The supplements and special ingredients listed in Maria’s recipes can be found at most health food stores.

For additional foods that will help you with your pre-holiday clearance, check out Maria’s post: Top 10 Cleansing Foods.

to your health,

k

photo:Diet Police fridge magnet by lydiashiningbrightly, on Flickr

life recipe: recipe for a good woman

“A woman is an important somebody and sometimes you win the triple crown: good food, good sex, and good talk. Most men settle for any one, happy as a clam if they get two. But listen, let me tell you something. A good man is a good thing, but there is nothing in the world better than a good good woman. She can be your mother, your wife, your girlfriend, your sister, or somebody you work next to. Don’t matter. You find one, stay there.”  ~from Toni Morrison’s “Love“

After reading this passage from Toni Morrison’s novel, “Love”, I knew I’d found a morsel that would become a permanent part of my personal collection of life recipes.

The quote comes from the character, Sandler – a concerned father who is schooling his teenage son on what to look for in a woman. Fortunately, it’s an easy-to-remember recipe that includes 3 very simple ingredients.

Good Food

I don’t care how old-fashioned or outmoded I sound saying it, I’m going to say it anyway. If you’re a woman, you should know how to cook something. I’m not suggesting that you channel Betty Crocker and prance around the kitchen all day in frilly aprons and heels making biscuits and pies from scratch (but, if that’s your thing, by all means, go for it!). But every woman should have at least 3 solid dishes that she can whip up at a moment’s notice. That means not having to consult a cookbook or a recipe, but being able to prepare a simple, elegant meal from memory – preferably with easy-to-find ingredients. As they say, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. Even in non-romantic situations, being able to cook something tasty for someone you care about (whether it be your man, your mom, your kids, or your friends) is not only a useful talent, but also a satisfying and rewarding experience.

Good Sex

I suppose this one should go without saying, since we’re all sexual creatures. But since everyone has different tastes and preferences, what exactly qualifies as good sex? Whether you’re the swing-from-the-rafters type or more of a missionary girl, I think that at the root of it all, a woman with ‘good sex’ is a woman who is equally skilled at giving and receiving pleasure.

Good Talk

I’ve heard numerous tales from my guy friends about dates or relationships with drop-dead gorgeous girls that they found extremely attractive… until they opened their mouths. A good woman cultivates interests in things that are worth talking about. A good woman stays abreast of current events (no, not just celebrity gossip), a good woman has a bit of ‘game’. A good woman knows how to give a compliment.

Recipe Notes:

Noticeably missing from this recipe for a good woman are inessential ingredients like: big boobs, long hair, thick legs, fat booty, expensive clothes, killer makeup, and similar decorative toppings.

Admittedly, a good woman who comes with one or more of these inessential ingredients will be just as fulfilling and even sweeter than the original recipe. However, a woman that possesses inessential ingredients yet lacks all of the good woman ingredients may be sweet, but won’t be nearly as filling. And really… who needs empty calories?

cheers,

k

4 cocktail recipes for halloween

For me, Halloween marks the official start of the holiday season. So let’s celebrate the spirit of the season with some seasonal spirits, shall we?

Here are 4 Halloween-themed cocktail recipes that will get your holiday season off to a spirited start.

Halloween Cocktail Recipe #1 - Persephone Returns to Hades

Any drink that involves a muddler deserves a long name just so people are aware of how much work goes into the dang thing. Plus, with winter approaching, the myth of Persephone and her underworld lover is fitting.

Ingredients:

1 part pomegranate juice

1 ½ parts gin or vodka

¾ part grenadine or simple syrup

2-3 mint or basil leaves

squeeze of fresh lime

To make: Add mint or basil leaves to glass, cover with grenadine. Muddle together. Add ice and remaining ingredients. Shake until chilled.

Serve with a cocktail straw in a high or lowball glass. Garnish with mint or basil leaves, cherry, mini plastic pitchfork or other hellish decorations.

Halloween Cocktail Recipe #2 – Bitches’ Brew

Ingredients:

port wine

stout beer

To make: Fill glass 1/3 of the way with port. Fill remainder of glass with chilled stout.
Serve in a lowball glass or stemmed glass.

Halloween Cocktail Recipe #3 - Queen of the Damned

Ingredients:

1 part raspberry vodka OR vodka + raspberry liqueur

1 part coffee liqueur

2 parts champagne

red sugar for rim

To make: Shake first two ingredients together with ice, strain and serve in a martini glass rimmed with red sugar or with bloody candy rim. Fill rest of glass with champagne. Garnish with slice of blood orange (optional).

Halloween Cocktail Recipe #4 – Cool Autumn Breeze

Ingredients:

1 part gold rum

1 part sweet tea

splash of sour mix

squeeze of lemon

To make: Combine all ingredients  in a lowball glass over ice. Stir well. Garnish with lemon or orange wedge.

cheers,

k

sipping mummy photo by: Passetti, on Flickr

being in love: a trailblazer’s guide to finding true love

“By the time you are ready to explore the world of love, you are filled with so much rubbish about love that there is not much hope for you to be able to find the authentic and discard the false.”  ~Osho

Relationships are hard. Yes, I know that’s not exactly a groundbreaking statement. But it’s a fact. A fact that I’ve been pondering a lot lately as I witness the many stages of relationships being experienced by close friends and acquaintances.

There are those friends who are engaged or newly married, others who are separated or newly divorced, friends who are experiencing the highs and lows of dating, friends who are content playing the field, friends who are happy being alone. There’s even my own relationship, which many – especially those who know me as a hot-headed, commitment phobic, and often contrary woman – are quietly amazed has lasted as long as it has.

Though my associates and I are all experiencing different stages of relationship, we all share a common trait. None of us have a clue what we’re doing. We’re all just guessing. Rolling a dice and hoping that we don’t lose too much in the process, or crap out completely.

Truth is, most people tend to follow a pretty familiar script when it comes to relationships. Our expectations of gender roles, relationship timelines, and the ways love should be shown have been stamped onto our psyches over years of conditioning from families, movies, romance novels, r&b love songs. Most of us will never question established ideas of love and romance. Even when something deep inside of us starts to suspect that we aren’t 100% comfortable with those age-old ideas. So without any clear alternatives and with few successful real-life examples to follow, we go on trying to fit ourselves and our significant other into relationship models and behaviors that are considered normal and acceptable. On the rare occasion when one does question and decides to diverge from the “normal” path, one finds that there are no road signs, no footprints to follow, just a wide open wilderness that requires the fearless instincts of a trailblazer to navigate.

Thankfully, even trailblazers have certain tools to help them find their way.

I recently came across a book entitled “Being in Love: How to Love with Awareness and Relate Without Fear” written by Osho. Since being introduced to Osho’s writings a few years ago, he’s quickly become one of my favorite philosopher-teachers, and this book is  testament as to why.

I’ll be frank. You may not agree with everything in this book. Some of it may even upset you. But I guarantee you will find some common-sense wisdom and thoughtful insights that will challenge you to think differently about how you love yourself and others and may even cause a complete paradigm shift for you. Fortunately, Being in Love (and every other Osho book I’ve read) is one of those books that you don’t have to read from beginning to end to get the benefit of it; you can just pick up and start reading from anywhere.

Here are just a few snippets from Osho’s Being in Love:

What is Love

“It is almost like somebody asking, “What is food?” Would you not be surprised if somebody came and asked you that question? Only if somebody has been starved from the very beginning and has never tasted food would the question be relevant. It is the same with the question “What is love?”

Love is the food of the soul, but you have been starved. Your soul has not received love at all, so you don’t know the taste. So the question is relevant, but it is unfortunate. The body has received food so the body continues; but the soul has not received food so the soul is dead, or is not born yet, or is always on its deathbed.”

Parental Love

“Just think of your own parents…. They are victims just as you are victims; their own parents were the same. And so on…you can go back to Adam and Eve and God the father! It seems that even God the father was not very respectful to Adam and Eve… he started commanding them, “Do this” and “Don’t do that.” He started doing the same rubbish that all parents do… each parent threatens to expel the child, to throw him out. “If you don’t listen, if you don’t behave, you will be thrown out.” Deep down the child starts hating the parents because he is not respected; deep down he starts feeling frustrated because he is not loved as he is. He is expected to do certain things, and only then will he be loved.

And children learn the ways of their parents—their nagging, their conflict. Just go on watching yourself. If you are a woman, watch—you may be repeating, almost identically, the ways your mother used to behave…. If you are a man, watch: What are you doing? Are you not behaving just like your father? Watch and see when your mother is there, functioning through you—stop that, move away from it. Do something absolutely new that your mother could not even have imagined.”

The Perfect Man or Woman

“That idea too has been put into your mind—that unless you find a perfect man or a perfect woman you will not be happy…. A loving person simply loves, just as an alive person breathes and drinks and eats and sleeps…. You don’t say, “Unless there is perfect air, unpolluted, I am not going to breathe.” You go on breathing even in Los Angeles; you go on breathing in Mumbai. You go on breathing everywhere, even when the air is polluted, poisoned…. People who demand perfection are very unloving people, neurotic. Even if they can find a lover they demand perfection, and the love is destroyed because of that demand.”

“Love ordinary people. Nothing is wrong with ordinary people. Ordinary people are extraordinary! Each human being is so unique; have respect for that uniqueness.”

Gender Roles in Relationships

“Watch people, see how they take each other for granted. If your wife prepares food for you, you never thank her. I’m not saying that you have to verbalize your thanks, but it should be in your eyes. But you… take it for granted—that is her work. Who told you that? If your husband goes and earns money, you never thank him. You don’t feel any gratitude. “That’s what a man should do.” That’s your mind. How can love grow?”

“At home, the woman is a wife and the man is a husband. Now when these two persons meet there are really four persons: the husband and wife, who are not real persons but just personas, masks, false patterns, expected behavior, duties, and all that, and the real persons hiding behind the masks.

Those real persons feel bored.”

Give and Take in Relationships

“People are more interested in how to grab and get. Everybody is interested in getting and nobody seems to enjoy giving. People give very reluctantly… they always go on watching to make sure they get more than they give—then it is a good bargain, good business. And the other is doing the same.

Give, and don’t wait to see how much you can grab…. In the beginning it will be hard, because your whole life you have been trained not to give but to get. In the beginning you will have to fight with your own armor…. In the beginning it will be difficult, but each step will lead to a further step, and by and by the river starts flowing.”

Being Alone versus Being Lonely

“There are two types of love. One is the love that happens when you are feeling lonely: as a need, you go to the other. The other love arises when you are not feeling lonely, but alone. In the first case you go to get something; in the second case you go to give something. A giver is an emperor.”

 

Sex

“Most people’s sexual life is nothing but a kind of relief. Yes, for a moment you feel relieved of a burden, just like a good sneeze. How good it feels afterwards! But for how long? How long can you feel good after a sneeze? How many seconds, how many minutes can you brag that “I had such a sneeze, it was great.” As the sneeze is gone, with it goes all the joy, too. It was simply something bothering you. You are finished with that botheration, now there is a little relaxation. That’s the sexual life of most of the people in the world.

For afterplay to happen it needs a romantic mind, a poetic mind, a mind that knows how to be thankful, how to be grateful. The person, the woman or the man who has brought you to such a climax, needs some gratitude: afterplay is your gratitude. And unless there is afterplay it simply means your sex is incomplete; and incomplete sex is the cause of all the troubles that a human being goes through.”

No matter what stage of relationship you’re in – whether you’re starting one, or ending one, or you happen to be alone – Being in Love will give you fresh perspective on what it  means to make the most out of every relationship and blaze your own trail to true love.

cheers,
k
photo “Fall in Love … not in line” by Martinho, on Flickr

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