Question: What’s the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?

A Northern fairy tale begins with, “Once upon a time…”.

A Southern fairy tale begins with “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this sh*t!”

Well, y’all ain’t gonna believe this sh*t, but… I think I’ve discovered the secret. You know, the big one. The one everyone searches to find from the minute they realize that life is a search to find something.

I’ve discovered the secret to living happily ever after.

Ok, ok. So I didn’t really discover it, I just borrowed it from this guy named Kierkegaard. But hey, if Christopher Columbus can say he discovered America….

Wait a minute, Kisha. Who’s this Kierkegaard guy, and what’s he all about?

Oh. Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself.

I think very deeply.

Well, to keep it brief, Soren Kierkegaard was a 19^th century Danish philosopher (apparently back in the good ol’ days when philosopher was actually a valid job title). In his book ‘Either / Or’, he explains this idea that one has to progress through 3 stages on the way to becoming one’s true self (aka, living happily ever after).

Here’s my summary:

Aesthetics (Love of Pleasure) – The First Stage

In this stage, one is concerned with maximizing pleasurable sensory experiences. Music, food, drinking, sex, travel, art, poetry, pleasurable memories, and the like. Even the anticipation of pleasure is maximized by someone in this stage. The primary purpose of this pleasure-seeking is to combat boredom. But since pleasure is usually temporary, the person at this stage is constantly pursuing the next pleasure to battle the boredom that always returns.

Ethics (Love of Others) – The Second Stage

At this stage, one is concerned with how his actions affect others. Instead of being driven by self-pleasure or personal gain, the ethical person is driven by pleasing others, adhering to a certain set of social principles, and doing things for the good of society as a whole.  The ethical person is in a constant battle with anxiety – the anxiety of not being good enough, or not being accepted by society.

Religion (Love of God) – The Third Stage

In this stage – which Kierkegaard considered the highest plane – one is concerned with her personal, spiritual quest, or her personal relationship with God above all else. Unfortunately, very few reach this stage because of the distraction of large-scale religion which discourages personal relationship with God, and encourages being ‘falsely religious’ by adhering to one-size-fits-all doctrines. The person at this stage battles the despair of trying to live an authentic, spiritual life in a religious world.

Kierkegaard proposed an either / or approach – that is, you either dedicate your life to love of pleasure, love of others, or love of God. But instead of either / or, why not ‘all of the above’?

You see, living happily ever after means you get to have it all. You don’t have to choose between one way of living or another. It’s your fairy tale. You own everything!

Opulence!

In my opinion, to live happily ever after you have to find a way to balance all 3 of these loves. Thinking and living in terms of ‘either/or’ will almost certainly lead to a life of excess or imbalance. With the either / or mentality, something will always be lacking, missing, or given up. So, how can you start to move from ‘either/or’ to ‘all of the above’?

The Path to Happily Ever After

Appreciate More – Or, exercise your ‘pleasure muscle’. Instead of pursuing or chasing pleasure, derive pleasure from more and more things – even the simplest things. This will likely require a shift in perception, maybe even a slowing down. Instead of rushing through traffic or hurriedly gobbling down a meal, or speeding through your household chores, take time to savor something about every moment you experience. The more you do this, the more you’ll realize that pleasure isn’t something that has to be chased down, it’s something that has to be tuned into.

Give More – Now, I want to be clear here. I’m not necessarily suggesting that you sign up for another committee to save the world or keep going out of your way to be all helpful and savior-ish to everyone you know. On the contrary, I think many people (especially women, since we are often trained to be over-givers) should be more conservative with how much of themselves they’re giving away and who they’re giving it to. What I’m talking about here is giving more of the things that you have – whether they be material things or abstract things. Give more compliments, give away more credit (even if you did the work), give away more ideas, give away more of your belongings. Remember, you own everything, so why should you be so concerned with clinging so tightly to it all?

Meditate More – It takes a tremendous amount of energy to just sit still and shut the hell up. To calm your brain, cancel-out all the inputs and just be in silence (not even in deep thought). If you’ve ever tried meditating, you probably know that even seemingly harmless, little itty-bitty thoughts can quickly balloon into monstrous distractions.

"He just popped in there!"

By meditating more, you develop the discipline and strength you need to find God or your spiritual center even in the midst of all the distractions that life presents.

Imagine More – Or, exercise your ‘faith muscle’. Imagining is a way of reminding yourself that everything is possible. Even the seemingly absurd. Many of us SAY that God is the source from which all good things flow or that the universe is abundant and overflowing. But the way we ACT is that God or the universe is judgmental, demanding, and always ready to punish. The reality is YOU’re the one doing the punishing, the demanding, and the judging by believing you’re not worthy of good things, or by not having faith in the idea that almost anything you think of, can happen in real life. Think of it this way, whenever you  present something to God (or the universe, or whatever you choose to call it) the answer is always yes. If you continually present ideas that affirm negative thoughts about you and the world around you, the answer will be, “yes”. Whatever you focus your mind on has a way of materializing. So instead of using your mind to focus on the negative, dedicate time to imagining the best possible things you can, and watch for the “yeses” to roll in.

cheers,
k

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I find that the mushroom is one of those food items that people either love or hate. Admittedly, mushrooms are a bit… creepy. I mean, after all, a mushroom is technically neither plant, nor mineral, nor vegetable, but a (gulp) fungus. And even though I fall in the ‘love ‘em’ camp, I can’t deny occasionally feeling just a bit weirded out – yet still strangely fascinated – by them. If you fall in the hate ‘em camp, I doubt I can do anything to convince you otherwise, but if you’re teetering somewhere on the edge of either camp, maybe these mushroom facts will sway you.

For the past few months, we’ve been doing Meatless Mondays at my house, and mushrooms have often played a starring role in dishes where we’d normally feature meat. The benefits of using mushrooms as a meat replacement are seemingly endless: they’re cheaper, cook faster, have no cholesterol, very little fat and sodium, and are chock-full of essential nutrients like potassium, selenium, and B vitamins. All of which makes the mushroom quite magical in my eyes.

Here are some of my favorite mushroom recipes:

Mushroom Quinoa Risotto (from Bon Appetit)

In this recipe, portabella and shiitake mushrooms are paired with so-called superfood quinoa (keen-wah) to create a much lighter, healthier version of a traditional risotto. It still has the rich-tasting, heartiness of risotto without the guilt or the lengthy, labor-intensive preparation, which makes it an ideal candidate for a weeknight dinner. You must try this.

Fried Parmesan ‘Shrooms over Tomato Sauce

(inspired by Lunacy Black Market)

One of the dishes I always order from my favorite Atlanta restaurant is roasted mushrooms w/crushed tomato sauce. The savory, umami flavor of the ‘shrooms and the tangy tomato sauce are enough to make my mouth water at the mere mention of the dish. When doing my own home-based version of the dish, I alternate between roasting the ‘shrooms or frying them as detailed below. This is a regular go-to dish for weekday dinners when I want to be in and out of the kitchen in less than 30 minutes.

Ingredients (serves 2-3):

4-5 roma tomatoes, chopped (you could also sub ~20 grape tomatoes)

1-2 cloves of garlic, chopped

1 shallot or small onion, chopped (optional)

Dried basil

Portabella mushrooms, washed, de-gilled and sliced into thick 1”slices (you can also buy them pre-sliced to save time)

1-2 eggs

Bread crumbs

Olive or canola oil

Grated parmesan cheese

For tomato sauce:  Add a swirl of olive oil to a pot. Heat on medium-high. Add chopped garlic and shallots and sauté for 3-4 minutes, being careful not to brown garlic. Add basil and sauté for another minute. Add tomatoes. Cover pot with a lid, lower heat to medium or medium-low and let the mixture simmer rapidly for about 15-20 minutes, or until tomatoes start to break down. Stir occasionally and mash tomatoes so that they meld with the other ingredients. You want to end up with a chunky sauce. Salt and pepper to taste, then remove from heat.

For mushrooms: Beat egg well in a bowl and place mushrooms in bowl. Toss mushrooms well to coat with egg. Place bread crumbs in a small paper or plastic bag. Add egg-coated mushrooms to bag and shake well to coat with breadcrumbs. Add enough oil to pan to cover bottom of – about 2-3 Tbsp – or if you prefer, you can use more oil to deep-fry mushrooms. Heat oil on medium-high. When oil is hot, add mushrooms one at a time, making sure not to overcrowd the pan. Cook until mushrooms are golden brown on one side, then flip and cook until golden brown on the other side. Remove and drain on paper towel. Sprinkle immediately with grated parmesan. Place a few spoonfuls of tomato sauce on a plate and place a few mushrooms on top of sauce. The mushrooms are also really good over a salad of dressed mixed greens, or eaten by themselves.

Mushroom, Goat Cheese, and Arugula Flatbread Pizza

(inspired by Wrecking Bar Brewpub)

Everybody loves pizza. Unfortunately, pizza doesn’t love everybody. Your typical pie is nothing more than a cheese delivery system, and is usually topped with fatty meats and salt-laden sauces, and bottomed with a waistline-wrecking white-flour crust. But it doesn’t have to be that way, I promise. The Wrecking Bar, a delightful little gastropub in Little Five Points, serves a version that features 3 types of mushrooms and a healthy smattering of peppery arugula. Here’s how I replicate the dish at home (or in my office toaster oven).

Ingredients (serves 2-3):

Lavash or other flatbread (preferably whole-wheat)

Goat cheese (a soft, spreadable one)

3-4 of each of the following mushrooms, chopped: oyster, shiitake, portabella or baby portabella

Handful of fresh arugula

Olive oil

Spread goat cheese onto flatbread. Evenly distribute chopped mushrooms over goat cheese, then add arugula on top. Drizzle with olive oil. Place in 400 degree oven for about 5 minutes, until arugula is wilted. Salt and pepper to taste. You could add more flavor by adding roasted garlic, pesto sauce, sundried tomatoes, or fresh herbs (basil, sage, thyme) before the pizza goes into the oven.

I hope these recipes encourage you to experiment with mushrooms. If you’re the really adventurous types – I recommend trying some of the more exotic varieties like porcini, shiitake, oyster, hen of the woods and enoki. The taste of those varieties is much richer and more complex than the more common white button or portabella mushrooms. And if you choose to experiment with magical mushrooms outside of the kitchen, well… that’s totally up to you.

cheers,

k

photo: mushroom by tamaki, on Flickr

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Since last year’s personal health discovery, I’ve had fits and starts with making permanent – and hopefully beneficial – changes to my lifestyle. While I’m still not 100% there, I’ve already made several small adjustments and have begun to see noticeable benefits. Those results are encouraging. They’re also evidence that I don’t have to make this ‘reclaiming health’ thing overly complicated. I just need to exercise some common sense and a little bit of commitment. Since I know that I’ll occasionally need a reminder of what it is I should be focusing on, I decided to pen my own personal health manifesto.
Wanna hear it? Hear it goes….

1. I have to be my own health advocate. A doctor is not an all-knowing source of medical wisdom. He/she is a practitioner. And practitioners of any craft are as much students as they are adepts. I have the responsibility to educate myself on my own body and conditions so that when I meet with the practitioner, I can engage in thoughtful dialogue and Q&A with him or her and challenge (respectfully) the info he/she provides. We are a team. I should not just take what is said or prescribed as Bible truth. I should use that as a launching point for further investigation, so that when I next meet with him / her, we can continue to plot a course to optimal health for me together. If my chosen practitioner is not open to this type of relationship with me, I should choose another.

2. My body is itself a store of wisdom. If I quiet myself and listen, really pay attention to it, I will receive tons of clues about what might be causing dis-ease or imbalance within me. I was gifted with intuition to do this work, and I should make a conscious effort to strengthen this gift by paying attention to outward signs of inner distress or well-being. My skin, hair, nails, weight, emotions, eyes, teeth, gums, bowel movements, and menstrual periods are all readily accessible and easily observable external signs that give me clear clues as to how I am doing inside. I should not ignore these things or think of them as yucky, messy, gross, or inconsequential. I should pay attention and note any significant changes in them. I should seek out tools and reliable educational materials that allow me to accurately interpret what these changes could be saying about my overall health.

3. Diet (i.e., what I put in my body as food, fuel, or sustenance) is of paramount importance. The KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) method applies here. The simpler the food, the more beneficial it is to me. The more the food looks like it did in its original state, the better it is for me. If it comes wrapped in plastic, encased in cardboard, Styrofoam, cellophane, aluminum, or glass, it is probably less beneficial than things that don’t. I should avoid those types of food as much as possible, but where I can’t or don’t want to, I should both: be very aware (by reading labels) of what extra / unnecessary / unhealthy ingredients are coming inside that package; and be sure to balance consumption of those foods with other, healthier choices. I will limit my consumption of foods prepared by strangers. It is my belief that the closer my relationship to the preparer of the food, the more likely that food is to be good (or at least not bad) for me. I will prepare my own meals as much as possible. I will plan ahead by stocking my fridge / cabinets / workspace with foods that are good for me, so I am not forced to make bad decisions due to limited options.

4. ExerciseMovement is essential. Because I am not an athlete and never plan to be, nor am I a supermodel (though I could be… lol!), I refuse to become obsessed with points, pounds, number of reps, number of calories burned, miles logged, etc. My only obsession will be making time daily or at least 4 out of 7 days to get in the movement that I enjoy, that brings me pleasure, and preferably, that causes me to break a sweat. For me, this includes: dancing, gardening, stretching, dancing, swimming, hiking, biking, stretching, dancing, and stretching. Also – sex is exercise. Especially when done with a partner, and especially when done right.

5. Nature is a source of regenerative energy and healing for me. Its cycles mirror my own internal cycles of birth, growth, death, and rebirth. I must dedicate time to interact with nature on a daily basis, whether by combining it with my physical activity (e.g., hiking, gardening, walking), by meditating on some aspect of nature (e.g., a tree, squirrels playing in the yard, a vase of fresh cut flowers), or incorporating nature into or acknowledging it as I go about my daily routines (e.g., taking lunch outside, touching a leaf as I pass, observing the movement of the clouds overhead).

6. My mental diet is as important as my physical diet. The information and ideas I consume have a direct impact on the health of my mind and emotions. I will make conscious decisions about the books and magazines I read, the websites I visit, the TV programs and movies I watch, and the conversations and friendships I enter into and foster. This does not mean that I will only consume info or ideas that I agree with, but that I will limit intake of such info that leaves me feeling distressed, anxious, uneasy, or causes an uptick of negative emotions or associations about myself, others, or the world around me.

7. Vices. I like to stay up late. I like to drink. I occasionally like to smoke. I like to drive over the speed limit. I tend to stress. I recognize that none of these things are beneficial to my health, especially if done to a level of excess or overindulgence. At this point, I don’t think I can or want to eliminate any of these behaviors 100%. I accept the inherent risk I am assuming by not being able to do this, and plan to at least minimize / mitigate that risk in the following ways:
• If I stay up late (or don’t get enough sleep) one night, I will go to bed early the following night and/or sleep in late the following morning, and/or incorporate a nap the following day or days.
• I will not drink during the week. If I find myself at a weekday event or occasion where alcohol is a factor, I will opt for my non-alcoholic beverage of choice (grapefruit juice and tonic water).
• I will try to limit smoking to ‘special occasions’ (e.g., 2-3 times / year). Since I’m especially tempted to smoke either when stressed or when drinking, I will ask myself these 3 questions when the temptation arises: 1) is this worth a new wrinkle? 2) is this worth an increase in blood pressure? 3) is this worth dying for?
• When I recognize stress in myself, I will either: remove myself from the stressful situation, reframe the situation in a more positive light, or focus on my breathing (i.e., taking several deep breaths until I feel the stress is reduced or eliminated.

8. I will practice self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. Not beating myself up for falling off the wagon or experiencing setbacks, but using such experiences to reflect on what caused the setback and what I need to adjust to get back on track.

Do you have any healthy reminders for yourself? How do you keep yourself on track with your health and wellness goals?
cheers,
k

photo: 100_2230 by echoesofstars, on Flickr

photo: Reminder… by redwood 1, on Flickr”

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 In a recent article on this here blog, I mentioned that eating was one of the few activities that engages all 5 senses at once, and that travel was a close second.

Well Dear Reader, once again, I have something to confess. My Southern demureness (and the fact that my Mom occasionally reads this) kept me from truthfully asserting my real choice for 2nd place in the ‘stimulates-all-your-senses’ category… Sex.

There. I said it. Sexsexsexsexsexitysex…sex! Have you clicked away yet? Unsubscribed? Fine. Better do it now before we really pass the PG-13 zone (Yes, mom. That includes you.).

So, why the change of mind?

After reading a recent Creative Loafing article on the eroticism of food, I was emboldened by this quote from chef-cum-prophet Paul Luna:

“Sexuality and erotica play essential roles in exploration and self-discovery. These elements seem to be culturally suppressed in Atlanta and Southern culture — at least, overtly.”

Well, I’ll be.

Not one to be restricted by the often prudish Southern attitudes towards either food or sex, I decided to take Chef Luna’s quote as a challenge to overcome my own self-repression and explore – in one fell swoop – the various facets of the food-sex connection. I hope it’s as good for you as it was for me.

Erotic Foods

The most commonly cited erotic foods are usually ones that resemble certain parts of the human anatomy, such as: asparagus, bananas, figs, and pomegranates. But you already know about those, so let’s indulge in a few lesser-known sensual foods.

Mole (pronounced, mole-ay) – A Mexican sauce that comes in as many varieties as there are sexual positions (well, almost).  When prepared from scratch, it’s a labor of love that typically combines rich chocolate with chiles and spices like cumin, and cinnamon. Like most new adventures in bed and out, mole might take some getting used to,  but if you find it’s not for you, you can always go back to more tried-and-true tastes.

Peel-and-eat crawfish – The well-known instruction to ‘pinch the tail, suck the head’ is sexy, albeit in a somewhat juvenile way. But hey, silly can be sexy too. Plus, any eating experiences that requires tearing at food with your hands, getting your fingers all messy and sucking your digits clean can be a real turn-on. Of course, you’re not limited to crawfish. Try other peel-and-eat seafood, fresh cut fruit, Moroccan or Ethiopian food, or, for you prudish Southern-folk, barbecue.

Truffles – Truffles have an earthy, mouth-watering flavor, but they can be both hard to find and very pricey. As an alternative to whole truffles, a bit of sprinkled truffle powder or drizzled truffle oil can transform a conservative dish into something downright decadent.

Mango - This one has highly personal significance. I dated a gent once who literally made me blush at his method of consuming every fibrous piece of a whole fresh mango, all the way down to the pit. But even if your mang0-masticating skills aren’t as… entertaining, the fruit itself  – with its blushing exterior, brightly colored flesh, and exotic fruity flavor – is enough to titillate.

Sexy Food on Film

Like Water for Chocolate – An enchanting story of two lovers who, for years, can only express their passion for each other through food. Keep an eye out for the making of Mexican mole.

Tampopo – Man, those Japanese are weird. While this film centers around a Japanese housewife on a quest to make the perfect bowl of ramen, the movie is interspersed with several seemingly unrelated food scenes. Of particular interest are scenes of a couple who really enjoy playing with their food. Like, really.

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover – a deliciously dark drama that is at once brutal and beautiful.

Eat, Drink, Man, Woman – A Chinese dad and his three daughters experience life and love with sumptuous family feasts as a constant backdrop.

9 1/2 Weeks – Kim Basinger, a young unscary-looking Micky Rourke, and a refrigerator full of goodies. A classic ‘food-play as foreplay’ scene.

Oh, and let’s not forget the erotic scene from The Matrix:Reloaded in which the Merovingian delivers a sexy slice to an unsuspecting diner (extra points for both Monica Belluci’s appearance and her character’s name: Persephone).

Food, Sex, and Song

According to an article in Psychology Today, the link between food, sex, and music isn’t circumstantial, it’s scientific. Here are some sexy food-centric sounds to get you in the mood.

Ungodly Fruit – a sensual, lilting instrumental from Wax Tailor.

The Sensual Woman – Jello makes a notable appearance in this slickly sexy song from the soundtrack of Snatch (warning: some explicit language).

Sweet, Sticky Thing – a classic from the Ohio Players album ‘Honey’.

Kelis’ Milkshake – Yeah, I did it. So what? You need the Vitamin D.

And for a song that seems to be a song about food that’s really about sex but is really about neither, D’angelo’s soulful ballad ‘Brown Sugar‘ takes the cake.

You might also want to check out my YouTube playlist: music to cook to – lots of spicy, savory, and sweet sounds for heating things up in the kitchen or any room of the house.

Food Scents that Stimulate

Some food scents are so arousing, you might even call them ‘olfactory Viagra’. But these scent-ual smells don’t have to be confined to the kitchen. Scented candle, oils, and scrubs are perfect ways to bring the smell of your favorite foods into the boudoir.

Coffee – Even if you don’t enjoy drinking this stimulating beverage, the scent of a fresh-brewed pot or freshly ground beans is quite invigorating, even arousing. Maybe that’s the reason so many first dates happen at coffee shops? Or maybe it’s because coffee and sex have been inexplicably linked since the 16th century. If you really like the scent of coffee, a quick home-made body scrub of ground coffee and olive oil is an easy way to be enveloped by the aroma all day long.

Vanilla – a comforting smell whose soothing, calming effect could ostensibly make your sweetheart more open to your advances. It’s also alleged to stimulate the production of the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen.

Japanese Quince – Some historians believe that the apple referred to as ‘the forbidden fruit’ in the Garden of Eden was actually a quince. Ancient Greek mythology associates the quince with Aphrodite, the goddess of love. While I can’t tell you what a quince tastes like, I can tell you what one smells like. Well, kinda. The japanese quince scented products from Seda France are so mouth-wateringly good that they’re well worth the price.

cheers,
k

title photo:Food is sex by Mr. dale, on Flickr

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Still not sure if you’re a bon vivant? Here are three more tell-tale signs that you might be one.

You Might Be a Bon Vivant If…

8. You tend to overindulge in both work and pleasure, often to the detriment of your health

Bon vivants are known for burning the candle at both ends. Since their work is also their play, they are likely to spend long hours at their profession, with seemingly endless energy for the tasks at hand. Bon vivants put as much energy into their leisure (especially wining and dining) as they do their work. Though this work hard, play harder mentality often earns them the admiration of their associates, it can be quite detrimental to their mental and physical health. The bon vivant’s penchant for packing a lot of living into a short period of time is one reason – I’m sad to say – that many bon vivants throughout history have died relatively young.
“My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends – It gives a lovely light.” – Edna St. Vincent Millay

9. You value high-quality goods, services, and experiences

Bon vivants have high standards of quality, but aren’t necessarily big spenders. A bon vivant will go out of her way for the higher quality item, but isn’t necessarily swayed by the more expensive item.

10. You are uninhibited (or less inhibited than most) or gregarious

There’s a reason that bon vivants tend to have such a wide and diverse circle of friends. They have no problem striking up conversation with relative strangers. And because of their diverse experiences and education, they’re generally able to find something to talk about with almost anyone. This social self-assuredness makes the bon vivant both fun to have and easy to spot at parties. He’s usually the one enthralling a small group of people with his sparkling wit, a funny story, or a string of well-timed bon mots between sips of his drink.

cheers,

k

photo:The Good Life by Steffen M. Boelaars, on Flickr

photo: Burning My Candle at Both Ends by gfpeck, on Flickr

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